nov 21 '04

i know in my heart that when i type the words ' i miss blogging' , that im creating my number one understatement of the year. im missin blogging and everything that comes with it especially reading my favorite blogs where they take me to their favorite blogs to their favorites' favorite and so on. its unbounded adventure. from ultra-dramatic, to ridiculously childish, from rock punk to melodramatic, from realistic to poetic. name it- students, office slaves, writers, computer geniuses, housewives, business people, sad people, happy people. there are hopefuls, suicidals, religious, atheists, insomniacs, romantics. the list goes on and on. so enough for the missin, i'm glad im back.

things happen in your life that you'll know you can never jot down. not only because you cant, but because its so many you dont how to start. now this is funny..for a boring person like me wondering how to jot "all" things down! ha ha! anyway, if you consider yourself a diarist, not a writer, mind you, you'll know what i mean. so, the diarist in me is frustrated coz things happened that i have not written. and right now is not the time to write it either. so things have passed and i have "enoughed" on missing blogging, and still, i cant stop.

STOP.

i woke up to a beautiful sunday. later, ill be out for a walk with a friend..

sep 29 04

as i open the front door of our house for the first time today, i smile. maybe its the overcast sky. or the just the newborn kittens snuggled to their mother cat at the side of our house. or really just the thought of having better days ahead. i dont know maybe it comes with age, the older you get, the more you become a grateful person. and in a weeks time, ill be older. im not there yet, but there are a million things im already grateful for.

sep 08 '04

You are most Like A Sapphire !Dark, mysterious - but unforgettable. You have
deepbeauty. Delicate, and shy you try to stay away from
thelimelight but often your intelligence puts you in
at thedeep end. You're like a Sapphire, because, your
beauty is priceless.You're intelligent, full of opinions, and not
big-headed about it all.Sometimes you need to put yourself out there, as
you can be a bit shy.Congratulations ... You're the mysterious gem
everybody wants to have and learn more about.

?? Which Precious Gem Are You ??
brought to you by Quizilla

***one funny poem from Billy Collins***

Litany

You are the bread and the knife,
the crystal goblet and the wine.
You are the dew on the morning grass
and the burning wheel of the sun.
You are the white apron of the baker,
and the marsh birds suddenly in flight.

However, you are not the wind in the orchard,
the plums on the counter,
or the house of cards.
And you are certainly not the pine-scented air.
There is just no way that you are the pine-scented air.

It is possible that you are the fish under the bridge,
maybe even the pigeon on the general's head,
but you are not even close
to being the field of cornflowers at dusk.

And a quick look in the mirror will show
that you are neither the boots in the corner
nor the boat asleep in its boathouse.

It might interest you to know,
speaking of the plentiful imagery of the world,
that I am the sound of rain on the roof.

I also happen to be the shooting star,
the evening paper blowing down an alley
and the basket of chestnuts on the kitchen table.

I am also the moon in the trees
and the blind woman's tea cup.

But don't worry, I'm not the bread and the knife.
You are still the bread and the knife.
You will always be the bread and the knife,
not to mention the crystal goblet and--somehow--the wine.

september 6, 2004

there is self imposed guilt when one neglects updating his blog. its not that everyone is eagerly waiting to read what little things are happening to your life. its the bond you formed with your blog the day you choose to have one. to jot a piece of you that you're freely flaunting the world. and by that self-imposed law, im guilty. it has always been easier to be the reader. you become an obsessed reader of blogs- from all walks of life, of various cultural, educational background. all these reading of wonderful and not-so-wonderful blogs, and at the back of your mind, you're figuring how theyd written it all up. youd either hate/love them for being so damned good writers or for being the master of all webmsters. and then your dreams are woven subtly by all this reading. "i can be like them too, maybe better." like a teenage dreamer. sometimes, i turn to be one.

august 19, 2004

as i grow older, i have come to appreciate and love my parents more. never mind the days when i was slapped because i didnt eat vegetables or i didnt wear the dress my mom wanted me to wear. or the times my sisters and i were fighting, kicking and boxing each other over some stupid things. or the times when we watched tv on a school day. or back in teenage days wherein i was grounded because i sneaked with my girlfriends for a gimik at greenhills. its all so subtle, the way ive come to change my view about my parents over the years. we think we know them enough when we're little. they love us, and that was all. when we finally know how immeasurable love is, or how complicated the word love is, we'll know better. there are pieces of them we dont understand. their childhood for instance. or their thoughts. their feelings. while i know my parents are not perfect, i know they tried. and that has made the difference to me- to know that they try to be the best.

**********************

here is a book that would likely decode da vinci's.

amy welborn's de-coding da vinci

August 8, 2004

the one person that surprises me the most is no other than myself. sometimes we do certain things just for the heck and fun of it. well for me though, my friends has got to be the biggest part or influence. how do you deal with friends who are so fun, cool, confident and downright adventurous anyway? you become a part of them, you have connected in someway or another and made you do fun things that you were forever dreaming of doing but never had the guts to do so. so when ruchie and kira decided to walk on stage to sing, ( after a long day of work, we went to makati republic to unwind), i knew they had me going. kathy and i were roaring with laughter at first. but when kathy heard a favorite, she just ran on stage and left me strucked with surprise. i watched them three singing- ruchie looking like an all time performer doing the eyes-closing-thing while singing! while kira and kathy doing their best to sing, being the chuwariwariwaps when the moment arose. ha ha ha! they looked outrageously funny! i did not mention that the place wasnt even half filled. there were less than fifty people there so it didnt matter that I followed them on stage, grabbed the microphone with my shaking hands and sit uncomfortably on the high chair and did my best to sing insensitive and runaway! and there were a couple more songs that i sang (well i hope it did sound singing) with them. and i knew it was enough. after that, my insides were aching from laughing and yet the long exhausting day of work suddenly gone. vanished. and thats just with one night of unwinding, surprises, singing, bonding and most of all friendship.

august 5, 2004

sometimes i forget that time flies by so fast. it just seems yesterday when i was so "gaga" over the f4 especially jerry yan. i was getting all infos about them thru the net, joining fan groups, getting anything that has f4 logo on it, including meteor garden seasons 1 and 2, meteor rain series, their albums, vcd concerts, f4 magazines, songbooks, memorabilias- buttons, pins. name it. wallpapers. i did make albums, scrapbooks (print artist) even. it was my life that i have to be in their concerts, shouting like a loose teenager having the grandest day in her life. i even named my blog after their show, claiming that im a catcher of meteors. not to mention my sudden choice of buying bench products...oh how high school can one be.. i was known to be the f4 fanatic to my colleagues and friends. and i lived it.

now, ive missed whats going on in their lives. i havent been able to login to my groups. i do check out stardust from time to time though. its ok . i know im bound to be a forever fan though not the die-hard fan i used to be. i still love to ogle at jerry yans pix. and in doing so, i am taken back to a time where life was full of expectations, frenzy and obsession.. and i cant help but laugh.

From Twenty Poems of Love

by Pablo Neruda

I can write the saddest lines tonight.
Write for example: ‘The night is fractured

and they shiver, blue, those stars, in the distance’

The night wind turns in the sky and sings.

I can write the saddest lines tonight.

I loved her, sometimes she loved me too.

On nights like these I held her in my arms.

I kissed her greatly under the infinite sky.

She loved me, sometimes I loved her too.

How could I not have loved her huge, still eyes.

I can write the saddest lines tonight.

To think I do not have her, to feel I have lost her.

Hear the vast night, vaster without her.

Lines fall on the soul like dew on the grass.

What does it matter that I could not keep her.

The night is fractured and she is not with me.
That is all. Someone sings far off. Far off,

my soul is not content to have lost her.

As though to reach her, my sight looks for her.

My heart looks for her: she is not with me.

The same night whitens, in the same branches.

We, from that time, we are not the same.

I do not love her, that is certain, but how I loved her.

My voice tried to find the breeze to reach her.

Another’s kisses on her, like my kisses.

Her voice, her bright body, infinite eyes.

I don’t love her, that’s certain, but perhaps I love her.

Love is brief: forgetting lasts so long.

Since, on these nights, I held her in my arms,

my soul is not content to have lost her.

Though this is the last pain she will make me suffer,

and these are the last lines I will write for her.

july 25, 2004

ive never thought of completely whacking my computer till last night. i spent almost three hours, trying to fix the layout of my blog and to my dismay, the connection was suddenly disconnected! i felt like the blood drained from my face. my fingers got so clammy. i couldnt think right. i was thinking of whacking the computer, no, of killing myself, well of whacking by body to the computer. i didnt in those three hours, even bothered to save anything. i was cursing the computer, was cursing myself. why did i blame the computer when it was me who was so stupid?! ugh!

so when my mom, for the tenth time called me to sleep, i never even bothered to shut down the computer properly. I just turned off the switch. suits him right!! ugh, and to think i choose that over reading my new book Harry Potter Book 5.. well, i figured im not lucky these days...must be the...oh well.

**********

i dont wanna whine anymore. i want peace.

instead of working, which i originally planned doing early today, i decided to take the day off. i was late again. and no one would ever believe the lie i have to tell our team manager. it was so lame, it was obvious that im faking it . being late yesterday due to the sudden thunderstorm was fair enough. even our team lead was late, a lot of us were. but today, the sky was clear and there was no traffic even. but i was late. the fx, which i was riding, was moving as if we were on a long country drive, sight-seeing. i was litterally in tears. worst he stopped at a gas station, looked at me smiling, and said, "mauubusan na ko ng gas". i know he sensed my frustration, but still i faked a smile. come to think of it, ive been faking a lot of things lately. well, in the end, i cried. good thing i was the only passenger left. the driver was concerned though, i think. he asked why i was sniffing. i told him, "ok lang po ko..hindi na ko bababa, pakiderecho na lang...".

right now im seated inside one of the internet shops in the mall, blogging this. i see the the light of the situation though. i havent been inside the mall lately. and well here i am. i bought some stuffs. i window-shopped, looked at potential things to buy in the future. later, ill be going in the church. so, who says im sad about the whole thing? im perfectly fine. the tardiness did me good. my worries would have to be dealt with tom.

it has got to be those fine days - this friday morning. the sky was just about to be brightened by the sunrise. its the time of the day where the most beautiful stars or planets appear. i saw the morning star Venus and it glows a luminiscent light. the first rays of the sun on the black sky. again i stood a witness to the dawn. and it was beautiful. considering the fact that i havent slept yet. not a single wink. our good friend noemi, who, just the other day, was so frustrated with office politics and was sulking to her pessimism, finally got the promotion shes been praying for. we had to celebrate. right away ofcourse. and we did. hail we marched off again to the unofficial infonxx' pub cum refuge centre to some- DIGIs CAFE.

we ate, drank, laughed, sang, talked, listened..a couple of things we as titans have grown to love doing. funny, i think this is something we hold on to, when we are strained with the long hours of work talking to bitchy, racist brits. we have invested on friendships among the wee hours of the morning. sharing funny experiences, frustrations and just about anything. and with one gone, i cant help but feel sad a little. titans would surely miss noemi, our little miss who thinks big for the team.

here is noemi who is second from the left.

this is one hell of a good laugh..credits to renaissance girl.

A Rhose, By Any Other Name
By Matthew Sutherland
"A good name is rather to be chosen than great riches" --(Proverbs 22:1)

WHEN I arrived in the Philippines from the UK six years ago, one of the first cultural differences to strike me was names. The subject has provided a continuing source of amazement and amusement ever since. The first unusual thing, from an English perspective, is that everyone here has a nickname. In the staid and boring United Kingdom, we have nicknames in kindergarten, but when we move into adulthood we tend, I am glad to say to lose them.

The second thing that struck me is that Philippine names for both girls and boys tend to be what we in the UK would regard as overbearingly cutesy for anyone over about five. "Fifty-five-year-olds with names that sound like five-year-olds", as one colleague put it. Where I come from, a boy with a nickname like Boy Blue or Honey Boy would be beaten to death at school by pre-adolescent bullies, and never make it to adulthood. So, probably, would girls with names like Babes, Lovely, Precious, Peachy or Apples. Yuk, ech ech. Here, however, no one bats an eyelid.

Then I noticed how many people have what I have come to call "door-bell names". These are nicknames that sound like - well, doorbells. There are millions of them. Bing, Bong, Ding, and Dong are some of the more common. They can be, and frequently are, used in even more door-bell-like combinations such as Bing-Bong, Ding-Dong, Ting-Ting, and so on. Even our newly appointed chief of police has a doorbell name - Ping. None of these doorbell names exist where I come from, and hence sound unusually amusing to my untutored foreign ear. Someone once told me that one of the Bings, when asked why he was called Bing, replied "because my brother is called Bong". Faultless logic. Dong, of course, is a particularly funny one for me, as where I come from "dong" is a slang word for... well, perhaps talong is the best Tagalog equivalent.

Repeating names was another novelty to me, having never before encountered people with names like Len-Len, Let-Let, Mai-Mai, or Ning-Ning. The secretary I inherited on my arrival had an unusual one: Leck-Leck. Such names are then frequently further refined by using the "squared" symbol, as in Len2 or Mai2. This had me very confused for a while.

Then there is the trend for parents to stick to a theme when naming their children. This can be as simple as making them all begin with the same letter, as in Jun, Jimmy, Janice, and Joy. More imaginative parents shoot for more sophisticated forms of assonance or rhyme, as in Biboy, Boboy, Buboy, Baboy (notice the names get worse the more kids there are -- best to be born early or you could end up being a Baboy). Even better, parents can create whole families of, say, desserts (Apple Pie, Cherry Pie, Honey Pie) or flowers (Rose, Daffodil, Tulip). The main advantage of such combinations is that they look great painted across your trunk if you're a cab driver. That's another thing I'd never seen before coming to Manila - taxis with the driver's kids' names on the trunk.

Another whole eye-opening field for the foreign visitor is the phenomenon of the "composite" name. This includes names like Jejomar (for Jesus, Joseph and Mary), and the remarkable Luzviminda (for Luzon, Visayas and Mindanao, believe it or not). That's a bit like me being called something like "Engscowani" (for England, Scotland, Wales and Northern Ireland). Between you and me, I'm glad I'm not.

And how could I forget to mention the fabulous concept of the randomly inserted letter 'h'. Quite what this device is supposed to achieve, I have not yet figured out, but I think it is designed to give a touch of class to an otherwise only averagely weird name. It results in creations like Jhun, Lhenn, Ghemma, and Jhimmy. Or how about Jhun-Jhun (Jhun2)?

There is also a whole separate field of name games -- those where the parents have exhibited a creative sense of humor on purpose. I once had my house in London painted by a Czechoslovakian decorator by the name of Peter Peter. I could never figure out if his parents had a fantastic sense of humor or no imagination at all -- it had to be one or the other. But here in the Philippines, wonderful imagination and humor is often applied to the naming process, particularly, it seems, in the Chinese community. My favorites include Bach Johann Sebastian; Edgar Allan Pe; Jonathan Livingston Sy; Magic Chiongson, Chica Go, and my girlfriend's very own sister, Van Go. I am assured these are real people, although I've only met two of them. I hope they don't mind being mentioned here. How boring to come from a country like the UK full of people with names like John Smith. How wonderful to come from a country where imagination and exoticism rule the world of names.

Even the towns here have weird names; my favorite is the unbelievably named town of Sexmoan (ironically close to Olongapo and Angeles). Where else in the world could that really be true? Where else in the world could the head of the Church really be called Cardinal Sin? Where else in the world could Angel, Gigi and Mandy be grown-up men? Where else could you go through adult life unembarrassed and unassailed with a name like Mosquito, or Pepper, or Honey Boy? Where else but the Philippines!

Thirty Things A Woman Should Have and Know By Thirty

here is something i read from one blogger, renaissance girl:

By the time she’s thirty, every woman should have:

1. One old boyfriend she can imagine going back to and one who reminds her how far she has come.
2. Enough money within her control to move out and rent a place of her own even if she never wants to or needs to.
3. Something perfect to wear if the employer or the man of her dreams wants to see her in an hour.
4. A purse, a suitcase and an umbrella she’s not ashamed to be seen carrying.
5. A youth she’s content to leave behind.
6. A past juicy enough that she’s looking forward to retelling it in her old age.
7. The realization that she is actually going to have an old age and some money set aside to help fund it.
8. A set of screwdrivers, a cordless drill, and a black lace bra.
9. One friend who always makes her laugh, and one who lets her cry.
10. A good piece of furniture not previously owned by anyone else in her family.
11. Eight matching plates, wineglasses with stems, and a recipe for a meal that will make her guests feel honored.
12. A resume that is not even the slightest bit padded.
13. A feeling of control over her destiny.
14. A skin care regime, an exercise routine and a plan for dealing with those few other facets of life that do not get better after thirty.
15. A solid start on a satisfying career, a satisfying relationship and all those other facets of life that do get better.


By the time she’s thirty, every woman should know:

1. How to fall in love without losing herself.
2. How she feels about having kids.
3. How to quit a job; break up with a man; and confront a friend without ruining the friendship.
4. When to try harder, and when to walk away.
5. How to kiss a man in a way that communicates perfectly what she would and wouldn’t want to happen next.
6. How to have a good time at a party that she’d never chose to attend.
7. How to ask for what she wants in a way that makes it most likely she’ll get it.
8. That she can’t change the length of her calves, the width of her hips, or the nature of her parents.
9. That her childhood may not have been perfect, but it’s over.
10. What she would and wouldn’t do for love or money.
11. How to live alone, even if she doesn’t like it.
12. Who she can trust, whom she can’t, and why she shouldn’t take it personally.
13. Where to go – be it to her best friend’s kitchen table, or a charming inn in the woods -- when her soul needs soothing.
14. What she can and can’t accomplish in a day, a month and a year.
15. Why they say life begins at thirty.

while the whole world seems to be settling down-finding Mr. Perfect, marrying, having kids, earning money for the sole of reason of giving their family a good life, starting a totally different life from what the singles decipher to be the happy-go-lucky stage in their lives, i remain to be stucked in the singlehood of things. take these- malling...alone. watching movies....alone, well nearly, im always w/ my parents or friends. sounds super pathetic. wow, this is so not me... im so pathetic, i couldnt stand it. am i really blogging this? huh, what the heck, its true afterall. so let me just continue. you just know you're missing something when all your closest friends, are suddenly turning to be moms, carrying babies w/ them in the mall w/ a bottle of milk in hand, with their hubbies..oh how i miss my friends so much. the fun-filled days of just hanging out at ones homes, giggling at silly jokes that would eventually lead us to crying from laughing, cooking our fave pig out foods, fantasizing about some guy we like, going out of town for the fun or it. those days. sweet days. now bygones. i dont know what makes me sad. im still the same over the years. clueless. the libran, who holds the scales of indecisiveness. is it because im alone and they are not? and that they left me doing those things still? now with different friends though.. i dont know. its just sometimes, i feel some things are missing. and you're stuck to your same self 8 years ago. just like a teenager, that's what im feeling like these days. i know im in the office, becoming the professional that i am, but im trapped w/ "teenagy things". and there goes your smile. going down the drain of cheesiness, lost values, jealousy, being puppeteered, drowning in false friendships. and you just dont what happened. you dont know why..

Smile by Tamia


Sometimes I sit at home and wonder how it'd be
If he had loved me
Truly loved me yes
I learned a while ago that kind of thing
Never happens for me
And so I go around
And just pretend
Loving life for me
I play the circus clown around my friends
Make them laugh and they won't see
That you never let them see you sweat
Don’t want them to think the pain runs deep
Lord knows it's killing me

So I put on my make-up
Put a smile on my face
And if anyone asks me
Everything is okay
I’m laughing cause no one
Knows the joke is on me
Cause I’m dying inside
With my pride and a smile
On my face


Sing it la la la la

Sometimes I sit at home
By the phone hoping he might call me
But he don't call me
But then I realize
Dreams come true aren't for girls like me
Not like me
And so I go around with my head up
Like it ain't no thing
And when the boys around with all my friends
I’m into other things
Cause you never let them see you sweat
Don’t want them to think the pain runs deep
Lord knows it's killing me

And,so I put my make up
Put a smile on my face
And if anyone asks me
Everything is okay
I’m laughing cause no one
Knows the joke is on me
But I’m dying inside
With my pride and a smile
On my face

It’s not as easy (thing)
Sometimes it’s hard to (face the truth)
It’s not the life that I would choose (that I would choose)
But what else can I do?
If he don’t love me
If he don’t want me
I’m not about to sit around
Let myself go

So I put on my make-up
Put a smile on my face
And if anyone asks me
Everything is okay
I’m laughing cause no one
Knows the joke is on me
Cause I’m dying inside
With my pride and a smile
On my face

i treated again my mom and dad to a movie. they were so eager to watch the movie, "The day after Tomorrow." so that's what i did, we went for a last full show with ate aileen as well. the movie was okay. its the least that i could tell. i did not want to see it. i prefer "Shrek", but a ratio of 3 is 1? i lost obviously. so back to the movie.. it was okay, kinda freaky but okay. the use of special effects is impressive. it all looked real and that made it terrifying. but the story itself is somewhat exaggerated and silly. i dont know, it just doest seem good to me. nevertheless, here are some scenes in the movie.

who is your alter poet?


Way to go, your alter poet is Jack Kerouac, who is
by FAR the coolest!


Who is Your Alter Poet?
brought to you by Quizilla

i played the good daughter yeterday. i had a date with my mom and dad. arriving at the mall, we went for a snack at mcdonalds. everything was on me, i told them. my dad was just his usual self while my mom was smiling sheepishly. i wish i knew what they were thinking.

we headed straight to the movie house, not knowing what to watch. i was teasing my dad telling him we'll be watching "All my Life". he's one person i know who doesnt patronize tagalog movies. ironic i thought, for someone who laughs so hard watching home along da riles. well, the next thing i knew we were seated inside the movie house watching the movie Troy. and yes, what a movie.

after 3 hours of watching, as in really watching and no sleeping, ( my mom has a tendency to sleep for like half the movie time, but denies it and claims she enjoys every scene in the movie) , we headed straight to Mangan for dinner. scrumptious meal my dad told me, but expensive. he still prefers Kenny Rogers. oh well.

but the dinner wasnt the highlight. what we talked about or didnt talk about while eating was. my mom told me quietly that my dad was happy that we got out. ill never hear my dad say that. so when i saw the satisfied smile my father has, i couldnt agree more with my mom.

Everybody Hurts
by REM

When your day is long and the night
The night is yours alone
When you're sure you've had enough of this life
Well hang on
Don't let yourself go, 'cause everybody cries
and everybody hurts, sometimes ...

Sometimes everything is wrong,
Now it's time to sing along
When your day is night alone (hold on, hold on)
If you feel like letting go (hold on)
If you think you've had too much of this life
Well hang on

'Cause everybody hurts
Take comfort in your friends
Everybody hurts
Don't throw your hand, oh no
Don't throw your hand
If you feel like you're alone
no, no, no, you're not alone

If you're on your own in this life
The days and nights are long
When you think you've had too much
of this life, to hang on

Well everybody hurts,
sometimes, everybody cries,
And everybody hurts ...
sometimes
But everybody hurts sometimes
So hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on,
hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on

Everybody hurts
You're not alone

titans spirit is worn out. we are dead tired of the job. our throats are swollen. our fingertips, callused. our eyes, red from the strain of looking at the computer screen the whole day, some very little veins appearing already. not to mention that we are slowly losing everything that we have learned during our schooling days. why? the fact that we only get to say 10 english sentences everyday- welcome, how may we help you, one moment pls, have you got a street address, which town pls, and the walang kamatayang "gotcha numba!!! woh, its not even 10 sentences! we are slowly going down the drain...

so call it a God given blessing for us to finally settle for a date to go out of town- Subic, and finally get the vacation we rightfully deserve. the summer is about to end, good thing its pushing thru. this out of town thing is finally taking place, the forever planned trip. i can quite picture it, the beach, the sand, fresh air, mountains...i couldnt have been more contented. thought its only for 2 days, i know we'll be rejuvenated after.

Fallen Embers
by Enya


Once, as my heart remembers
All the stars were fallen embers
Once, when night seemed forever
I was with you

Once, in the care of morning
In the air was all belonging
Once, when that day was dawning
I was with you

How far we are from morning?
How far we are?
The stars shining through the darkness?
Falling in the air?

Once, as the night was leaving
Into us, our dreams were weaving
Once, all dreams were worth keeping
I was with you

Once, when our hearts were singing
I was with you

******************

Pilgrim
by Enya



Pilgrim, how you journey
on the road you chose
to find out why the winds die
and where the stories go.
All days come from one day
that much you must know,
you cannot change what's over
but only where you go.

One way leads to diamonds,
one way leads to gold,
another leads you only
to everything you're told.
In your heart you wonder
which of these is true;
the road that leads to nowhere,
the road that leads to you.

Will you find the answer
in all you say and do?
Will you find the answer
in you?

Each heart is a pilgrim,
each one wants to know
the reason why the winds die
and where the stories go.
Pilgrim, in your journey
you may travel far,
for prilgrim it's a long way
to find out who you are...

Pilgrim, it's a long way
to find out who you are...

Pilgrim, it's a long way
to find out who you are...

its a good thing i decided to take maundy thursday and good friday off. while my colleagues are having their grandest time working on a holiday, well that's double pay, i was at home relaxing my tired body, and soul as i may say, hoping that id have a meaningful holy week. and i did. i think i actually did. apart from all the rituals my family do every holy week- visita iglesia, stations of the cross, masses, veneration of the cross,etc., i would like to think my spirit did what it should be doing these past months. sometimes, we get caught up with so much work, with friends, with having fun, and with family even. and we think we are "that" happy, until we're home. when im lying on my bed, recollecting what happened throughout the day, i just know that there is something missing. i miss GOD. and being involved in the church. i know i messed it all up with sis rio and sis ely. we had a great goal. im forever guilty. i want to get back again with the children. and i know in time i will.

*****

come black saturday, we we're supposed to go to club manila east for a swim. i was waking everybody up at 7 when the phone rang. it was daddy.

me: hello?
daddy: hello, gigi. sunduin nyo ako mamya ha. uwi ko 2:30. nasa malaysia na ko ngayon.
me: ah, ok..sandali si mami eto na!

the club manila east had to wait. my dad was coming home. it was always like that. " anak, nasa singapore/ thailand/malaysia na ko. sunduin nyo na ko mamya... my father says this sooo casually. as in. anyway the next thing we knew, we were all in duty free, shopping as a one big family.

and we just couldnt postpone the swimming anymore. easter sunday, after the mass and moms service in the parish, we headed straight to taytay. and that was 7 pm. the place was clean, the water was clear, everybody wore a swimsuit, there was one loud music all over. we let RV ride in this big salbibida. and she was splashing the water with her hands and shouting and clapping. she was so happy, it was contagious. we all had fun last night. arriving home at 10 pm, we were so relaxed from the swim that everyone slept right away. except for me though. blame it on the movie "The Pianist".

With A Variable Key
Paul Celan

With a varible key
you unlock the house which
drifts the snow of that left unspoken.
Always what key you choose
depends on the blood that spurts
from your eye or your mouth or your ear.
You vary the key, you vary the word
that is free to drift with the flakes
what snowball will form round the word
depends on the wind that rebuffs you.

i still couldnt get over the movie, "The Passion of the Christ". annie's thought on the movie was so moving, i definitely miss our talks together. thats what i love about her, when shes so enthused about an idea and im not, she just casually shares her thoughts and then bingo, im so moved before i even know it. according to her mel gibson did used a lot of symbolisms in the film. and its amazing how he-Mel Gibson did wound up having made the best film ever about Jesus's death. Yup, the 2 of us have officially made Mel Gibson our personal choice for best director EVER!!

*******
sometimes i wonder why people end up doing silly things..
take a look at his picture:




this is the latest thing in body fashion, the Jewel Eye, in the Netherlands April 7, 2004. The eye jewel, made of platinum and available in the shape of a heart, a star or circle, is implanted in the mucous membrane of the eye and is not visible unless the eye is turned. uhmm.. i wonder how'd i look like if i have a meteor implanted in my eyes mucuos...ha ha ha..

ive just watched the movie "the Passion of the Christ". i could say that its the most authentic film made on the account of Jesus' death that ive ever seen. every scene in the movie is heart wrenching, from the agony in the garden unitl his death. and the scene that really made me cry was when Jesus, carrying His cross to Calvary, fell for the second time. there He met Mother Mary who saw how he fell. a flashback is seen interchangingly of Jesus about 4 years old, falling and a young Mother Mary running up to console his child. it was so touching and heart wrenching and made me cry so much. throughtout the film i kept saying to myself that one innocent man, suffered this whole agony- the tearing of the flesh from whipping, the spits on the face, the nailing on the cross and eventually dying. and it made me feel guilty and sorry.

here are some pictures of the movie: