there are days when i feel like im losing it. everything or should i say everyone is crap. you go to work and the very first person you talked to has just embarked on a mile-long rant about the super- duper- hot- the-sun-is-the-culprit weather, the forever hanging PCs in the office, the weekly failing QAs and flunking team ranks and all negativity about each and every person in the whole wide universe! now you know the names she baptizes people behind their backs - the gold digger, the oldie, the smarty-smart, the bitch, the miserables and so on and so forth. whew! at the end of those first-person-I-encounter-in-the-office moment, i feel like i've been robbed off the beauty the day and the world has to offer me.and my shift hasn't even started yet. imagine!
forgive me but im just human. ergo, i falter. even if i try not to care, it just gets into me sometimes. worse, i have this annoying fantasy of telling her to just "shut up" while she talks and bashes people. actually, last week, i had the guts to tell her that the people she speaks ill about don't even know she feels that way about them. and so, they're happier. she was silent for a moment and asked me, "masaya nga ba talaga sila?" it sounded like a rhetorical question but what the heck, i answered "yes".
this type of evil conversations, combined with unexpected accidents like spilling sweet and sour sauce all over my sleeves by someone and friends pinpointedly telling me why am i like this or like that, made me feel so crappy, i snapped out. on a friend i love dearly. angie turned bitchy. goodness! i felt my friends faces twitched into, "where the heck did that come from!". if i'm living in some foreign first world country, i might have been a good patient for anger management. but hey, even the nicest person (ahem!) can be a bitch when she’s had enough.
it's weird though, i felt better after i snapped out. i kinda know now why some say we have to have one carefully chosen curse word to liberate oneself. it felt that way. too bad, i hurt my friend's feelings. but i was hurt too. some days, i just don't feel like taking all the jokes anymore. especially when its on me most of the time.
am i being irrational or just plain sensitive? i don't want to blame events or people for snapping out like one evil rat. maybe, i should just let it be that way. cause really things sometimes just sucks and you have to be some wunderkind to just breathe it all in.
