hanging on

i have been someone who's keen on reworking my self from time to time. and i know it will be lifetime process. because when things really hit me bad, i totally forget what i've learned in the Accepting Life- key to wholeness category.

like failing QA. on the few weeks of the year wherein i have deliberately planned and decided to get a 100% QA. i have never wanted a 100% QA so badly before. i have done what i thought was my best. and it's frustrating to fail on the only weekend of the year where i have decided to render overtime. frustrating is an understatement. i am sad. disheartened. and displaced again.

because getting good QAs will mean more cash. and more cash will lead me to financial freedom, which in angie's dictionary equates to zero-debt, larger savings and moving on to greener pastures. and quite honestly, i am actually readying myself to embrace changes soon.

haay..

sob stories after another. life unfolds with a few each day and sometimes i react as if it is life-threatening. as if i'm standing on a railway track where a train will pass anytime soon. i wish i can wholly say that i am unaffected.

well, affected as i am, i'll sleepwalk thru these few weeks until i get my hard-earned 13th month pay. and i will tell myself to hang on because one thing i've learned, creating artificial stress in my life will make me look like a hag. a tired, ugly old hag. so yup, im hanging on!

Between Them

Between Them

between the moon
and a star—
their distance

by belleloved

Slipping Away

music,
a voice pauses
as hollowness deepens
like your memories. it rises
then fades.

by belleloved

turning 30

these past few days, i have been on a reflective and thoughtful mood. while life for some begins at 40, i am rooting that it will at 30, well at least for me. wow, 30! 3 decades! i have turned 30 last oct 6! and while i have gotten more than my share of people saying, "matanda ka na talaga. magboyfriend ka na" or "mahirap tumanda ng mag-isa,", i wanted to just step back and wonder, does everyone really think that this is what i'm so worried about? is this the best thing that they can advise me? honestly, i am quite upset at these but i do understand that my friends meant well. on the contrary, turning 30 has gotten me pondering more about God's plan for me. of what life has to offer. of exciting new experiences and challenges. another chapter, another chance.

this i am thinking- that life is beautiful because i am getting chances each day. a chance to live life to the fullest. to love as much as i can love. to give as much as i can give. to treat life and everything, even problems and inconveniences as gifts. i have experienced so much in the past decade that made me see that while life doesn't turn out the way i want it to be, it still rocks! through my life's bliss, joys, confusions and sobstories, i am raising my glass for a life lived meaningfully. and that is again according to angie's lifemeter. sure i have enslaved myself with mistakes and sins, over and over and over again. but that didn't stop me from believing and renewing myself. too often i tire myself of the cycle i put myself into. twisted logic, dramatic sprees, and a worry bin! i've had too much negatives that i am trying to throw away each day. for these i am applauding myself- for the goals i've reached and have not reached, for the lessons learned and still learning, for blessings that have gone and gazillions more that are coming, God willing. ;)