it has got to be those fine days - this friday morning. the sky was just about to be brightened by the sunrise. its the time of the day where the most beautiful stars or planets appear. i saw the morning star Venus and it glows a luminiscent light. the first rays of the sun on the black sky. again i stood a witness to the dawn. and it was beautiful. considering the fact that i havent slept yet. not a single wink. our good friend noemi, who, just the other day, was so frustrated with office politics and was sulking to her pessimism, finally got the promotion shes been praying for. we had to celebrate. right away ofcourse. and we did. hail we marched off again to the unofficial infonxx' pub cum refuge centre to some- DIGIs CAFE.

we ate, drank, laughed, sang, talked, listened..a couple of things we as titans have grown to love doing. funny, i think this is something we hold on to, when we are strained with the long hours of work talking to bitchy, racist brits. we have invested on friendships among the wee hours of the morning. sharing funny experiences, frustrations and just about anything. and with one gone, i cant help but feel sad a little. titans would surely miss noemi, our little miss who thinks big for the team.

here is noemi who is second from the left.

this is one hell of a good laugh..credits to renaissance girl.

A Rhose, By Any Other Name
By Matthew Sutherland
"A good name is rather to be chosen than great riches" --(Proverbs 22:1)

WHEN I arrived in the Philippines from the UK six years ago, one of the first cultural differences to strike me was names. The subject has provided a continuing source of amazement and amusement ever since. The first unusual thing, from an English perspective, is that everyone here has a nickname. In the staid and boring United Kingdom, we have nicknames in kindergarten, but when we move into adulthood we tend, I am glad to say to lose them.

The second thing that struck me is that Philippine names for both girls and boys tend to be what we in the UK would regard as overbearingly cutesy for anyone over about five. "Fifty-five-year-olds with names that sound like five-year-olds", as one colleague put it. Where I come from, a boy with a nickname like Boy Blue or Honey Boy would be beaten to death at school by pre-adolescent bullies, and never make it to adulthood. So, probably, would girls with names like Babes, Lovely, Precious, Peachy or Apples. Yuk, ech ech. Here, however, no one bats an eyelid.

Then I noticed how many people have what I have come to call "door-bell names". These are nicknames that sound like - well, doorbells. There are millions of them. Bing, Bong, Ding, and Dong are some of the more common. They can be, and frequently are, used in even more door-bell-like combinations such as Bing-Bong, Ding-Dong, Ting-Ting, and so on. Even our newly appointed chief of police has a doorbell name - Ping. None of these doorbell names exist where I come from, and hence sound unusually amusing to my untutored foreign ear. Someone once told me that one of the Bings, when asked why he was called Bing, replied "because my brother is called Bong". Faultless logic. Dong, of course, is a particularly funny one for me, as where I come from "dong" is a slang word for... well, perhaps talong is the best Tagalog equivalent.

Repeating names was another novelty to me, having never before encountered people with names like Len-Len, Let-Let, Mai-Mai, or Ning-Ning. The secretary I inherited on my arrival had an unusual one: Leck-Leck. Such names are then frequently further refined by using the "squared" symbol, as in Len2 or Mai2. This had me very confused for a while.

Then there is the trend for parents to stick to a theme when naming their children. This can be as simple as making them all begin with the same letter, as in Jun, Jimmy, Janice, and Joy. More imaginative parents shoot for more sophisticated forms of assonance or rhyme, as in Biboy, Boboy, Buboy, Baboy (notice the names get worse the more kids there are -- best to be born early or you could end up being a Baboy). Even better, parents can create whole families of, say, desserts (Apple Pie, Cherry Pie, Honey Pie) or flowers (Rose, Daffodil, Tulip). The main advantage of such combinations is that they look great painted across your trunk if you're a cab driver. That's another thing I'd never seen before coming to Manila - taxis with the driver's kids' names on the trunk.

Another whole eye-opening field for the foreign visitor is the phenomenon of the "composite" name. This includes names like Jejomar (for Jesus, Joseph and Mary), and the remarkable Luzviminda (for Luzon, Visayas and Mindanao, believe it or not). That's a bit like me being called something like "Engscowani" (for England, Scotland, Wales and Northern Ireland). Between you and me, I'm glad I'm not.

And how could I forget to mention the fabulous concept of the randomly inserted letter 'h'. Quite what this device is supposed to achieve, I have not yet figured out, but I think it is designed to give a touch of class to an otherwise only averagely weird name. It results in creations like Jhun, Lhenn, Ghemma, and Jhimmy. Or how about Jhun-Jhun (Jhun2)?

There is also a whole separate field of name games -- those where the parents have exhibited a creative sense of humor on purpose. I once had my house in London painted by a Czechoslovakian decorator by the name of Peter Peter. I could never figure out if his parents had a fantastic sense of humor or no imagination at all -- it had to be one or the other. But here in the Philippines, wonderful imagination and humor is often applied to the naming process, particularly, it seems, in the Chinese community. My favorites include Bach Johann Sebastian; Edgar Allan Pe; Jonathan Livingston Sy; Magic Chiongson, Chica Go, and my girlfriend's very own sister, Van Go. I am assured these are real people, although I've only met two of them. I hope they don't mind being mentioned here. How boring to come from a country like the UK full of people with names like John Smith. How wonderful to come from a country where imagination and exoticism rule the world of names.

Even the towns here have weird names; my favorite is the unbelievably named town of Sexmoan (ironically close to Olongapo and Angeles). Where else in the world could that really be true? Where else in the world could the head of the Church really be called Cardinal Sin? Where else in the world could Angel, Gigi and Mandy be grown-up men? Where else could you go through adult life unembarrassed and unassailed with a name like Mosquito, or Pepper, or Honey Boy? Where else but the Philippines!

Thirty Things A Woman Should Have and Know By Thirty

here is something i read from one blogger, renaissance girl:

By the time she’s thirty, every woman should have:

1. One old boyfriend she can imagine going back to and one who reminds her how far she has come.
2. Enough money within her control to move out and rent a place of her own even if she never wants to or needs to.
3. Something perfect to wear if the employer or the man of her dreams wants to see her in an hour.
4. A purse, a suitcase and an umbrella she’s not ashamed to be seen carrying.
5. A youth she’s content to leave behind.
6. A past juicy enough that she’s looking forward to retelling it in her old age.
7. The realization that she is actually going to have an old age and some money set aside to help fund it.
8. A set of screwdrivers, a cordless drill, and a black lace bra.
9. One friend who always makes her laugh, and one who lets her cry.
10. A good piece of furniture not previously owned by anyone else in her family.
11. Eight matching plates, wineglasses with stems, and a recipe for a meal that will make her guests feel honored.
12. A resume that is not even the slightest bit padded.
13. A feeling of control over her destiny.
14. A skin care regime, an exercise routine and a plan for dealing with those few other facets of life that do not get better after thirty.
15. A solid start on a satisfying career, a satisfying relationship and all those other facets of life that do get better.


By the time she’s thirty, every woman should know:

1. How to fall in love without losing herself.
2. How she feels about having kids.
3. How to quit a job; break up with a man; and confront a friend without ruining the friendship.
4. When to try harder, and when to walk away.
5. How to kiss a man in a way that communicates perfectly what she would and wouldn’t want to happen next.
6. How to have a good time at a party that she’d never chose to attend.
7. How to ask for what she wants in a way that makes it most likely she’ll get it.
8. That she can’t change the length of her calves, the width of her hips, or the nature of her parents.
9. That her childhood may not have been perfect, but it’s over.
10. What she would and wouldn’t do for love or money.
11. How to live alone, even if she doesn’t like it.
12. Who she can trust, whom she can’t, and why she shouldn’t take it personally.
13. Where to go – be it to her best friend’s kitchen table, or a charming inn in the woods -- when her soul needs soothing.
14. What she can and can’t accomplish in a day, a month and a year.
15. Why they say life begins at thirty.

while the whole world seems to be settling down-finding Mr. Perfect, marrying, having kids, earning money for the sole of reason of giving their family a good life, starting a totally different life from what the singles decipher to be the happy-go-lucky stage in their lives, i remain to be stucked in the singlehood of things. take these- malling...alone. watching movies....alone, well nearly, im always w/ my parents or friends. sounds super pathetic. wow, this is so not me... im so pathetic, i couldnt stand it. am i really blogging this? huh, what the heck, its true afterall. so let me just continue. you just know you're missing something when all your closest friends, are suddenly turning to be moms, carrying babies w/ them in the mall w/ a bottle of milk in hand, with their hubbies..oh how i miss my friends so much. the fun-filled days of just hanging out at ones homes, giggling at silly jokes that would eventually lead us to crying from laughing, cooking our fave pig out foods, fantasizing about some guy we like, going out of town for the fun or it. those days. sweet days. now bygones. i dont know what makes me sad. im still the same over the years. clueless. the libran, who holds the scales of indecisiveness. is it because im alone and they are not? and that they left me doing those things still? now with different friends though.. i dont know. its just sometimes, i feel some things are missing. and you're stuck to your same self 8 years ago. just like a teenager, that's what im feeling like these days. i know im in the office, becoming the professional that i am, but im trapped w/ "teenagy things". and there goes your smile. going down the drain of cheesiness, lost values, jealousy, being puppeteered, drowning in false friendships. and you just dont what happened. you dont know why..

Smile by Tamia


Sometimes I sit at home and wonder how it'd be
If he had loved me
Truly loved me yes
I learned a while ago that kind of thing
Never happens for me
And so I go around
And just pretend
Loving life for me
I play the circus clown around my friends
Make them laugh and they won't see
That you never let them see you sweat
Don’t want them to think the pain runs deep
Lord knows it's killing me

So I put on my make-up
Put a smile on my face
And if anyone asks me
Everything is okay
I’m laughing cause no one
Knows the joke is on me
Cause I’m dying inside
With my pride and a smile
On my face


Sing it la la la la

Sometimes I sit at home
By the phone hoping he might call me
But he don't call me
But then I realize
Dreams come true aren't for girls like me
Not like me
And so I go around with my head up
Like it ain't no thing
And when the boys around with all my friends
I’m into other things
Cause you never let them see you sweat
Don’t want them to think the pain runs deep
Lord knows it's killing me

And,so I put my make up
Put a smile on my face
And if anyone asks me
Everything is okay
I’m laughing cause no one
Knows the joke is on me
But I’m dying inside
With my pride and a smile
On my face

It’s not as easy (thing)
Sometimes it’s hard to (face the truth)
It’s not the life that I would choose (that I would choose)
But what else can I do?
If he don’t love me
If he don’t want me
I’m not about to sit around
Let myself go

So I put on my make-up
Put a smile on my face
And if anyone asks me
Everything is okay
I’m laughing cause no one
Knows the joke is on me
Cause I’m dying inside
With my pride and a smile
On my face

i treated again my mom and dad to a movie. they were so eager to watch the movie, "The day after Tomorrow." so that's what i did, we went for a last full show with ate aileen as well. the movie was okay. its the least that i could tell. i did not want to see it. i prefer "Shrek", but a ratio of 3 is 1? i lost obviously. so back to the movie.. it was okay, kinda freaky but okay. the use of special effects is impressive. it all looked real and that made it terrifying. but the story itself is somewhat exaggerated and silly. i dont know, it just doest seem good to me. nevertheless, here are some scenes in the movie.

who is your alter poet?


Way to go, your alter poet is Jack Kerouac, who is
by FAR the coolest!


Who is Your Alter Poet?
brought to you by Quizilla

i played the good daughter yeterday. i had a date with my mom and dad. arriving at the mall, we went for a snack at mcdonalds. everything was on me, i told them. my dad was just his usual self while my mom was smiling sheepishly. i wish i knew what they were thinking.

we headed straight to the movie house, not knowing what to watch. i was teasing my dad telling him we'll be watching "All my Life". he's one person i know who doesnt patronize tagalog movies. ironic i thought, for someone who laughs so hard watching home along da riles. well, the next thing i knew we were seated inside the movie house watching the movie Troy. and yes, what a movie.

after 3 hours of watching, as in really watching and no sleeping, ( my mom has a tendency to sleep for like half the movie time, but denies it and claims she enjoys every scene in the movie) , we headed straight to Mangan for dinner. scrumptious meal my dad told me, but expensive. he still prefers Kenny Rogers. oh well.

but the dinner wasnt the highlight. what we talked about or didnt talk about while eating was. my mom told me quietly that my dad was happy that we got out. ill never hear my dad say that. so when i saw the satisfied smile my father has, i couldnt agree more with my mom.

Everybody Hurts
by REM

When your day is long and the night
The night is yours alone
When you're sure you've had enough of this life
Well hang on
Don't let yourself go, 'cause everybody cries
and everybody hurts, sometimes ...

Sometimes everything is wrong,
Now it's time to sing along
When your day is night alone (hold on, hold on)
If you feel like letting go (hold on)
If you think you've had too much of this life
Well hang on

'Cause everybody hurts
Take comfort in your friends
Everybody hurts
Don't throw your hand, oh no
Don't throw your hand
If you feel like you're alone
no, no, no, you're not alone

If you're on your own in this life
The days and nights are long
When you think you've had too much
of this life, to hang on

Well everybody hurts,
sometimes, everybody cries,
And everybody hurts ...
sometimes
But everybody hurts sometimes
So hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on,
hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on

Everybody hurts
You're not alone

titans spirit is worn out. we are dead tired of the job. our throats are swollen. our fingertips, callused. our eyes, red from the strain of looking at the computer screen the whole day, some very little veins appearing already. not to mention that we are slowly losing everything that we have learned during our schooling days. why? the fact that we only get to say 10 english sentences everyday- welcome, how may we help you, one moment pls, have you got a street address, which town pls, and the walang kamatayang "gotcha numba!!! woh, its not even 10 sentences! we are slowly going down the drain...

so call it a God given blessing for us to finally settle for a date to go out of town- Subic, and finally get the vacation we rightfully deserve. the summer is about to end, good thing its pushing thru. this out of town thing is finally taking place, the forever planned trip. i can quite picture it, the beach, the sand, fresh air, mountains...i couldnt have been more contented. thought its only for 2 days, i know we'll be rejuvenated after.

Fallen Embers
by Enya


Once, as my heart remembers
All the stars were fallen embers
Once, when night seemed forever
I was with you

Once, in the care of morning
In the air was all belonging
Once, when that day was dawning
I was with you

How far we are from morning?
How far we are?
The stars shining through the darkness?
Falling in the air?

Once, as the night was leaving
Into us, our dreams were weaving
Once, all dreams were worth keeping
I was with you

Once, when our hearts were singing
I was with you

******************

Pilgrim
by Enya



Pilgrim, how you journey
on the road you chose
to find out why the winds die
and where the stories go.
All days come from one day
that much you must know,
you cannot change what's over
but only where you go.

One way leads to diamonds,
one way leads to gold,
another leads you only
to everything you're told.
In your heart you wonder
which of these is true;
the road that leads to nowhere,
the road that leads to you.

Will you find the answer
in all you say and do?
Will you find the answer
in you?

Each heart is a pilgrim,
each one wants to know
the reason why the winds die
and where the stories go.
Pilgrim, in your journey
you may travel far,
for prilgrim it's a long way
to find out who you are...

Pilgrim, it's a long way
to find out who you are...

Pilgrim, it's a long way
to find out who you are...

its a good thing i decided to take maundy thursday and good friday off. while my colleagues are having their grandest time working on a holiday, well that's double pay, i was at home relaxing my tired body, and soul as i may say, hoping that id have a meaningful holy week. and i did. i think i actually did. apart from all the rituals my family do every holy week- visita iglesia, stations of the cross, masses, veneration of the cross,etc., i would like to think my spirit did what it should be doing these past months. sometimes, we get caught up with so much work, with friends, with having fun, and with family even. and we think we are "that" happy, until we're home. when im lying on my bed, recollecting what happened throughout the day, i just know that there is something missing. i miss GOD. and being involved in the church. i know i messed it all up with sis rio and sis ely. we had a great goal. im forever guilty. i want to get back again with the children. and i know in time i will.

*****

come black saturday, we we're supposed to go to club manila east for a swim. i was waking everybody up at 7 when the phone rang. it was daddy.

me: hello?
daddy: hello, gigi. sunduin nyo ako mamya ha. uwi ko 2:30. nasa malaysia na ko ngayon.
me: ah, ok..sandali si mami eto na!

the club manila east had to wait. my dad was coming home. it was always like that. " anak, nasa singapore/ thailand/malaysia na ko. sunduin nyo na ko mamya... my father says this sooo casually. as in. anyway the next thing we knew, we were all in duty free, shopping as a one big family.

and we just couldnt postpone the swimming anymore. easter sunday, after the mass and moms service in the parish, we headed straight to taytay. and that was 7 pm. the place was clean, the water was clear, everybody wore a swimsuit, there was one loud music all over. we let RV ride in this big salbibida. and she was splashing the water with her hands and shouting and clapping. she was so happy, it was contagious. we all had fun last night. arriving home at 10 pm, we were so relaxed from the swim that everyone slept right away. except for me though. blame it on the movie "The Pianist".

With A Variable Key
Paul Celan

With a varible key
you unlock the house which
drifts the snow of that left unspoken.
Always what key you choose
depends on the blood that spurts
from your eye or your mouth or your ear.
You vary the key, you vary the word
that is free to drift with the flakes
what snowball will form round the word
depends on the wind that rebuffs you.

i still couldnt get over the movie, "The Passion of the Christ". annie's thought on the movie was so moving, i definitely miss our talks together. thats what i love about her, when shes so enthused about an idea and im not, she just casually shares her thoughts and then bingo, im so moved before i even know it. according to her mel gibson did used a lot of symbolisms in the film. and its amazing how he-Mel Gibson did wound up having made the best film ever about Jesus's death. Yup, the 2 of us have officially made Mel Gibson our personal choice for best director EVER!!

*******
sometimes i wonder why people end up doing silly things..
take a look at his picture:




this is the latest thing in body fashion, the Jewel Eye, in the Netherlands April 7, 2004. The eye jewel, made of platinum and available in the shape of a heart, a star or circle, is implanted in the mucous membrane of the eye and is not visible unless the eye is turned. uhmm.. i wonder how'd i look like if i have a meteor implanted in my eyes mucuos...ha ha ha..

ive just watched the movie "the Passion of the Christ". i could say that its the most authentic film made on the account of Jesus' death that ive ever seen. every scene in the movie is heart wrenching, from the agony in the garden unitl his death. and the scene that really made me cry was when Jesus, carrying His cross to Calvary, fell for the second time. there He met Mother Mary who saw how he fell. a flashback is seen interchangingly of Jesus about 4 years old, falling and a young Mother Mary running up to console his child. it was so touching and heart wrenching and made me cry so much. throughtout the film i kept saying to myself that one innocent man, suffered this whole agony- the tearing of the flesh from whipping, the spits on the face, the nailing on the cross and eventually dying. and it made me feel guilty and sorry.

here are some pictures of the movie:

last week i got to spend two nights and three days in Baguio. that surely was what i needed for quite sometime now. the trip to baguio with two of my friends - kathy and ellize, was absolutely fun and way out of the ordinary. reasons being are the ff:

first, we get to plan for something big, real big, and make it happen barely a month after we'd even thought of it.

two, the planning part, didnt extend to getting a place to stay since none of us have contacts in baguio. so when we found our so-called-hotel for the next few days, which turned out to be really homey, thanks to manong who drove us to different "hotels", it meant that we could be thrown into wherever, and still find a way to survive..he he survivors

third, every penny spent on trip, from the time we rode the taxi to take us to the bus station up to the last tricycle ride home, was entirely ours. every single penny and bill..those were hard-earned money...answering a thousand calls everyday from crazy englishmen..

fourth, i NEVER got to perspire in baguio! and to think that all we ever did was to walk its winding streets. the whole of session road , from one ukay-ukay to another, burnham park, wright park, camp john hay, strawberry farm, name it. the 200 step to the our lady of lourdes grotto- even that, i didnt perspire. not a trickle. what else, we didnt dare go out of our house not bringing any jacket. he he he. pretty amazing for someone who perspires even when sleeping.

fifth, the fresh cool air. its the trademark of the city. can you imagine a mall without an air conditioning system? we got the shock of our lives to find a newly built SM in Baguio, nestled on top a hill, the whole back side of it is open, like a huge terrace, you could stand there and view the hillside and mountains. you guessed it, the cool air inside the mall actually comes from the outside. they let it all open to bring the cool air inside. talk about ingenuity!

sixth, the famous "wagwagan or ukay-ukay"... never thought i could buy cardigans for only P90. whew! the bad part of it was this, if you're a local tourist like us, that means you are buying your way to the city. so with all those plastic bags of souvenirs and ofcourse the jacket we cant live without, the strain is too much on the hands from going through the items that are so close together. you can barely move the hangers if you want to look at the items. its funny, with all those cheap outfits, i got to buy only three blouses.

seventh, and probably the best part, was the gimik at night. padis point was the place. and what did the three of us do? we just danced the night away! ha ha ha! funny, we did meet some guys while dancing to the tune of "where is the love" aka the theme song of the baguio girls. we were doing crazy moves and giggling like school girls, since it was our last night there. and then all of a sudden, we were surrounded by guys, who wanted to dance w/ us! ha ha! selene has captivated Patrick's heart, even "walking" us back home. it must be all the dance moves, aka, k _ s_i _ an plus the "bilbil factor" ofcourse.

there are a lot of things to say still. but i coulnt put it into words. im wishing selene did blog about our trip in baguio. its better reading someone elses blog who shared the same experiences with you. ok selene... your turn.

im just 12 hours away from having a grand vacation! i cant wait to inhale fresh air from the city of pines! everything is working well for me. oops, an understatement. everything is grand! a big paycheck, a beautiful city, and a company of two swirling gaiety of good friends! im so excited!! +amdg

THREE PEOPLE WHO MAKE ME LAUGH:
01 | RV and MIGMIG
02 | joy sistahs
03 | Jackie Chan ( ok, kill me.)


THREE THINGS I LOVE:
01 | my guitar
02 | PC
03 | my notebooks and boxes


THREE THINGS I HATE:
01 | people who look down on others and think of themselves highly
02 | terrorists
03 | swearing ( as if i dont swear..)


THREE THINGS I DON'T UNDERSTAND:
01.l need of a person to fit in
02 | why is it hard to learn from mistakes
03 | war


THREE THINGS ON MY DESK:
01 | books that are waiting to be read
02 | celphone- my company when my insomnia attacks
03 | rosary - to get me connected with GOD


THREE THINGS I'M DOING RIGHT NOW:
01 | filling this up!
02 | clicking the computer keyboard..duh!
03 | wondering if this is worth my time..


THREE THINGS I WANT TO DO BEFORE I DIE:
01 | get closest to God
02 | have loved others sincerely
03 | to meet dao in person and be able to spend a day with him alone


THREE THINGS I CAN DO:
01 | be a better person when i choose to
02 | play the guitar w/ all intensity
03 | write songs


THREE WAYS TO DESCRIBE MY PERSONALITY:
01 | easy to please
02 | moody
03 | sensitive


THREE WAYS TO DESCRIBE MY LOOKS:
01 | skinny
02 | tall
03 | bow legged!! he he!!


THREE THINGS I CAN'T DO:
01 | swim (believe it or not!)
02 | put a background music for my blog! Grrr!
03 | slouch, as in a simple s-l-o-u-c-h!


THREE THINGS I THINK YOU SHOULD LISTEN TO:
01 | to GOD ofcourse
02 | to your heart
03 | who else??


THREE THINGS I DON'T THINK YOU SHOULD LISTEN TO EVER:
01 | devil
02 | to your fears
03 | BIs


THREE THINGS I SAY THE MOST:
01 | grabe!
02 | sobra!
03 | as in!


THREE OF YOUR ABSOLUTE FAVORITE FOODS:
01 | laing
02 | nilagang okra
03 | ninihaw na bangus ( fine, im a certified filipino!)


THREE THINGS YOU'D LIKE TO LEARN:
01 | to speak chinese, french and spanish fluently and learn the humor of every language
02 | to play the piano and compose beautiful music
03 | web design


THREE BEVERAGES YOU DRINK REGULARLY:
01 | coke (sorry Jerry!!)
02 | iced tea
03 | hot chocolate ( life during breaktime in the office- filling my spill proof mug w/ hot chocolate fr the vendo)

THREE SHOWS YOU WATCHED WHEN YOU WERE A KID:
01 | batibot
02 | smurf
03 | carebears

there are times when i truly miss jerry. i played the video of yao ding ni awhile ago. and yes it does bring back memories...ha ha ..of the two of us together. : )here I go again.

here's Jerry in an astroboy tshirt..

its 3 more days and off well go to vacationland! yahooo!

Shall I ever get lost?

When I sit on a bench
under a sky like this,
pale gray patches of clouds,
the sun, shying away from everyones gaze,
the green foliage of trees
quivering from the chilly, wintry wind,
I remember you.
For in the cold stormy days
that left me crying like a small helpless child,
trying to find her path back home
you were the one I ran to.
Just to hold my hand or hug me tight
and let me see stars in the darkest of nights
and that the flow'rs in the spring bloom
after the winter's gloom
and that the longest nights of my life do end,
when I place my life, my soul,
and my trust in you my friend.

While I know there is more to ponder about,
my life, relatonships, love
the world I live in,
about me and you,
I just smile to myself.
The world may just be grim on me.
But who cares?
You have set me free,
by your death on the cross.
Shall I ever get lost?

2001

*****

out of breath, that's what i felt upon hearing i got a 100 again in my QA. it was all blurry, kokoy smiling while asking me," how many times already?" i squealed,"five times"! omigod! did i even imagine it? well No. i just wished for one and whoa, i now have five. how lucky could one get? what more can i ask for?

that i mentioned to him that i was feeling frustrated bec im not getting hundreds while others did quite easily, he simply said i can. " i dont know" was my reply to him. pessimism surging, emotions bordering from
"i just wanna kill myself..huhu.. " to "im perfectly fine.." , thoughts of just getting a premier. a whirlwind of sad thoughts and simple wishes. and with kokoys last words on our coaching, "You're gonna get a hundred this Monday", i never thought he'd had a slightest gift of seeing the future. come to think of it, maybe he has the gift afterall. or maybe just maybe, he really believed in me.

which of the greek gods am i ?

Morpheus


?? Which Of The Greek Gods Are You ??
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an old man knocked on our gate the other day. he was a limping old man, who made use of a long stick as a support when he walked. he wore a dirty long sleeved tshirt, with his grey hair tucked in a cap.a white plastic bag he held on with his other hand. he had an earring, a fake silver one, on his left ear. he looked crabby but the encounter touched me more than anything else. he was not shy. he was greeting me long before i had finally come to face him. it was his birthday he said and he needed to bring something home for his grandchildren. his face was worn maybe because of the heat of day.it was almost noon, and the suns heat was scorching. my eyes were creased as i look at him. i noticed his smiling eyes just like tatangs. that he was asking for rice as a pasalubong to his grandchildren on his birthday melted my heart. i made him wait a little as i got the rice. when i went back, he said " ay, thank you! the rice looks special. i told him it was not, its not even a commercial rice, we got it straight from the rice fields. he said " all that people give are beautiful". i smiled. he added, " you are beautiful. your lips reminds me of ms cruz." i know he was lying just to make me see that he was thankful. and when he said , "you are beautiful because you have a kind heart", i felt happy. he said he had a letter for me to read. i said no its ok. i looked up at the sky and remembered the heat of the sun. he gave the letter anyway. and i read it. it was his 70th birthday and he needed some food to bring home. it was all written in good english. funny how good the old man is in english. the words i wrote here were his exact words. it wasnt used in filipino. i told him he reminds me of tatang my grandfather whos dead for years, with the cap, and his eyes and his speaking in english...he said that he finished second year of high school. so that's why. he greeted me even with "belated condolence"! we both laughed. and then again he said thank you and that i should always take care of myself. he said, "dont put your confidence in the tricycle drivers, you'll never know who to trust. even here. you take care of yourself. God bless you".

i still think about it a lot of times throughout the day. his words, his face.i felt touched with my encounter with him. i dont know why but it made me think of good thoughts like God. and again this will add up to one of my many good thoughts.

heres a call i got from one crazy brit the other day...

me: welcome to 118-118. how may i help you?
caller:im looking for the number of the moon ( a guy whose voice sounds like hes just 18 or a little older)
me: thats the moon. which town is this in?
caller: oh im not sure..
me: what type of business is this? (quizzical)
caller: well, its an electrical shop..that sort of thing
me: thank you. one moment pls.
me: im trying to do a category search for you, one moment pls.. (caller hums a song while im searching, w/c was so irritating!)
me: i do apologize im not showing anything for that name. is there anything else?
caller: oh, you can try searching in merseyside!
me: what particular town? ( i sounded pissed alright...)
caller: all i know is that its on sunshine street... ( Uh oh, "sunshine street"...Mmmm...)
caller: and its on a ring called saturn..wait i'll ask my colleague..
(after a few sec.. i heard a door closing so clearly that puzzled me..)
caller: yeah that's right..
me: im sorry not showing anything for that.
caller: oh come on! it has got to be there! its approximately a million miles away from the earth!!! ( caller might as well said, "yeah, you stupid girl, its the moon you see! as in the MOON, how couldnt it be there!!")
and still, w/c so much professionalism, i muttered...
me: yeah the moon..alright, you go to hell. ( then what i never thought i'd do, i did. I released the call.)


so is there an excuse for this or what? its crazy enough dealing with racist brits, those who think they are the rulers of the world bec of their skin color and glorius past, well we asians do have a rich history as well dont we? and how about mesopotamia, and persia and india. ofcourse china. hello? attila the HUn would have the run of his life if he meets genghis khan the greatest mogul emperor. the point is there is i enjoyed the call, secretly enjoyed it knowing i won over a dumb person calling in to ask for the number of the moon. ha ha ha!! if my manager know this, im dead. he was actually pleased with me these days bec of my good QA scores. ha ha.. im so happy.

im feelin fabulous!!! i got 100% QA for 3 straight weeks! i couldnt have made it on my own. AMDG +.

that im drunk and still is still blogging is simply way out crazy. just two hours ago i was a sure victim of "once-invited-you-can-never-stop" syndrome. thanks to kathy who at the age of 21 is a certified drunken master who tossed a shot glass to me- a 26 year old loser drinker. roughly about 40 minutes or so after that, i was simply what you call the "just-a-4 shots-of-tecquilla-and then-you're-a-dead-person".
ugh, we were dancing like it's the last dance of our lives. the thing is if being drunk makes you jumble peoples names (mike enriquez for mike santiago to my horror!) , and makes you say foul words for like hundreds of times, ugh, then ... ah.. that makes makes me wanna drink some more!! JOKE! Ugh, i hate that i cant control myself when im drunk! i hate it when i just i know i did some things that i woudnt dare do when im not drunk! the feeling of the whole world swirling in slow motion, each dancemoves like the last scenes from the movie american beauty-lonely, slow, the moment rolls in like leaves falling from its branch during autumn.

and before i sleep i feed my soul with the thought of going to UK. "we shall go to UK". the new brand name we should supposed to live up to beginning today... yes.. london get ready, here we come.