pals

it's been months. every time, i see myself battling between sitting & blogging my life away or just ignoring the urge to do so. the latter always wins obviously, of course, till now. so what changed my mind today, this night, this very minute? *sigh* in all honesty and directness, the sad thoughts- those freaking sudden realizations that's making the life of me unsettling and huffy, this one particular nagging feeling i've been ignoring and denying for a long time. ( now im hating blogging because in a way, i am putting things in perspective i am seeing things a lot clearer and those deeply held emotions are prone to better understanding for such a denying mind, like mine. and it's not looking good. tsk, tsk.)

denying, denial, deny. i wish for the day when i will stop feeling a need to deny what i see or feel or sense. i hope for the day that when things droop that way, I will, for the life of me, not care, not a single bit at all. and i wish i am not eaten up by stupidities for accusing friends of crimes when i only have a feeling they did it. but everyday proves my suspicion. i wish i am resigned- to have that feeling of acceptance so i won't be bothered anymore because in fact, it's tiring.