awakening the spirit

over the weekend, i have decided to put a forgotten good habit back to life. its the string of not-so-good events that i have thoroughly contemplated that had me pondering of a perfect way out. maybe it was impending- these events lately that shook my world out of its boring daily orbit. i didn't expect it of course but as they say life is just a mirror and what we see out there, we must first see inside us. i'm am now putting things in perspective. and i'm starting with myself. as i have been too spun-out by the recent events, i have finally decided to die to myself. die. every chance i can get. to all my wants. and loves. to be no longer subject. to be indifferent.

for a whopping 3 minutes or so, this late in the afternoon, i have decided to own these words again. to arm me with life's disparity, i will die to myself and practice it in my ordinary day-to-day existence. because more often than not, I don't get what I want most out of life. *sniff*. and its sad. and it breaks me. and i want to move on. and get the best angie, my best self, out of or better, with this suffocating shell. and how do i do this?

the mortification of the body strengthens the spirit.

as a very pious and spiritual teen *sigh* (gone were the days), i lived up this very powerful words. i have read a good amount of spiritual memoirs, one of which was Sister Lucia's Memoirs, of Fatima. this tiny book has changed me *sigh again* for quite a while and taught me to suffer for Christ. it emphasized on the virtue of suffering which links us to Christ Triumphant. and i was amazed by which my beloved Lucia, Francisco and Jacinta mortified themselves for God. ordinary things mortified and done out of love made them stronger spiritually.

and the forgotten days will be back again ;)

now, i have no better goal than this. i will accept life as God wills it. and i am armouring myself with mortification and self-denial again because i know that to live in this world is to suffer. but to suffer like Christ is to gain perfection.