A Love

Pablo Neruda

Because of you, in gardens of blossoming flowers
I ache from the perfumes of spring.
I have forgotten your face, I no longer remember your hands;
how did your lips feel on mine?
Because of you, I love the white statues drowsing in the parks,
the white statues that have neither voice nor sight.
I have forgotten your voice, your happy voice;
I have forgotten your eyes.
Like a flower to its perfume, I am bound to my vague memory of you.
I live with pain that is like a wound;
if you touch me, you will do me irreparable harm.
Your caresses enfold me, like climbing vines on melancholy walls.
I have forgotten your love, yet I seem to glimpse you in every window.
Because of you, the heady perfumes of summer pain me;
Because of you, I again seek out the signs that precipitate desires:
shooting stars, falling objects.

i carry your heart with me

ee cummings

i carry your heart with me (i carry it in
my heart) i am never without it (anywhere
i go you go,my dear;and whatever is done
by only me is your doing,my darling)
i fear

no fate (for you are my fate,my sweet) i want
no world (for beautiful you are my world, my true)
and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you

here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life; which grows
higher than soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

i carry your heart (i carry it in my heart)

jaded

i am sad. the whole day. hay.
what am i doing ? and what am i not doing?
and where the hell am i going?
lost na naman si angie!
can someone tell me the answer lest i morphed again into some freaking zombie.

..let me take you down coz we're going to..

..strawberry fields, nothing is real, and there's nothing to get hung about..

good thing im such a beatle fan, or else i would have dismissed this movie, across the universe, as typical b movie. truth is, despite its very simple plot, the music soars! across the universe is a passionate musical love story set during the turbulent 1960's and to the great songs of The Beatles. from the first scene, where jude sings ..is there anybody going to listen to my story all about a girl who came to stay.., i was totally drawn. and it didn't help that the main character, jude, was way over cute and has a liverpool drawl! plus the hair, very.. unruly. haha! ok this looks so, so familiar ;) anyways, they did some of my favorite beatles songs like, "strawberry fields forever", "i want to hold your hand", "if i fell", "all you need is love", "across the universe", "hey jude", "and i love her". i love the part where jude was creating an artwork of strawberries pinned to a white wall, and interchangingly the vietnam war was being shown. and as he crushed and destroyed the strawberries due to love frenzy with lucy, red juices oozed on the wall as real blood brought by war was shown too. and all along, jude was singing "strawberry fields forever"!!! ang galing! it was an artwork in motion. the funny thing was i was singing with the characters all throughout the movie. hay, i couldn't figure out why others would say that this is a beatle betrayal. the movie was psychedelically charming. as an artist wanna-be, i was blown away by the use of visual arts and effects. the casts were unknown, but i give them a 5 star for their performance. this is the first movie i really, as in really enjoyed watching this year. and im sharing this especially to all beatle fanatics especially to my rocker cousin, ryu! yup, do watch it and you'll know exactly what i mean ;)

You are near

Yahweh, I know you are near,

standing always at my side.

You guard me from the foe,

and you lead me in ways everlasting.

Lord, you have searched my heart,

and you know when I sit and when I stand.

Your hand is upon me protecting me from death,

keeping me from harm.

Where can I run from Your love?

If I climb to the heavens You are there;

If I fly to the sunrise or sail beyond the sea,

still I'd find You there.

You know my heart and its ways,

you who formed me before I was born

in the secret of darkness

before I saw the sun

in my mother's womb.

Marvelous to me are Your works;

how profound are Your thoughts, my Lord!

Even if I could count them,

they number as the stars,

You would still be there.

sunset lane in moa

I had a quiet, blissful and happy saturday night. my family and i went to stroll and dine along mall of asia's row of restaurants facing the bay. hay, it was lovely! even before parking, we had the chance to view the colorful fireworks! and as we strolled, we noticed that the grounds were very clean and spacious. the walk was lined with lamp posts illuminating strollers with a kind of sepia glow. palm trees were sprawled near the fountain area where mostly kids look amazed at the artistic splash of water. the dancing waters of the fountain was spectacular, or maybe i was just surprised that it danced, with its different tricks to a groovy old frank sinatra song! kaaliw! the kulets were asking me with coins which they were planning to throw in the fountain. it then gave me the idea! i led them near the fountain, gave each of them a coin and asked to say they're wishes out loud! boy, were they excited!! nakakatuwa talaga ang mga bata! shempre, the aunt got to wish too ;) "1-2-3! say you're wish... kiss your coin.. and drop it in the fountain!" we saw our coins splashed below the fountains' shallow water. that, had them goofy and giddy!!! i, specially was in a play mode, running and tagging after my two pamangkins who were shrieking and laughing at the same time. then, my ate and i, had each of those two kulets, hunched on our backs while we race at the nearest palm tree! hehe! it was so, so much fun, i swear. i mean i should be doing this at least once a week to keep me sane ;)

anyway, along with these were restaurants and bars that offer great food, mostly seafood and filipino dish. bands also performed and made sure everyone was having a good time. every once in a while, a brave person would jam with them. we dined at trinity's, a seafood restaurant and preferred to stay outside. with the perfect view of the bay plus the great music playing, i know my mom was enjoying herself. and that alone, completed my night! hay.. ;) well, the food too was scrumptious especially the buttered, sweetened shrimps! ang sarap! again i was mentally jotting down that one of these days i'll conjure something like it ;) we passed some street artists. one had his face painted in ghostly white. he wore a black costume ala charlie chaplin. he stood in a tiny podium, staring at passersby, i guess to entertain. i was not entertained though, he looks damn scary!

after eating, we strolled back to the parking lot, passing all those funky sculptures of anchors and dolphins' tails. we found a spot and sat comfortably at the bays' walk. i stared at the black open sea infront of me while a small ferry passed with brightened little lights. and i was thinking of things. a slight breeze plus a dazzle of stars on black sky, always get me thinking of life, of love. yan, cheesy na. i can't help it, the place was downright romantic. tsk.

anyways, it was a happy night with my family. accompanied by soft breeze, feel-good music, delicious dinner and people i *smile* love, i reached home wishing for more of it this summer.

mabel and sis grace

miep, mumay and ate

ate. buchog and happy :)

pseudo-love

this day i went home feeling , oh so free!

and i finally saw it all- how my instincts have been perfectly right and how it was trying to save me all along. and so i've been right all along. sabi ko na nga ba!

and now i know that there is something about distancing that makes you see the world sharply defined. and i am amazed how it freed me!

because we mistake love with the need of companionship. because we give too much emotions to the wrong person. because we get too much amazed and emotionally-involved to have thought of it as something beautiful and magical. and we are wanting to be with that person only because there is potent and unrelenting nagging in us to find someone to love.

and then the distance.

sabi ko na nga ba.

i cannot possibly like him! not in a romantic type of way.

tsk. i cant always be sappy for things as complicated as this, diba ;)

closer to myself

by kendall payne

Digging deep, I feel my conscience burn
I need to know who and what I am
This hunger jolts me from complacency
Rocks me, makes me meet myself
Jacob walked a limp to remind him
Of the greater gift of the greater one
But when I fell, I fell to my own resources
How can I carry the truth, if I can't even crawl to you?

I wanna feel something sweeter than this sin
Cover me in leaves roll me over again
I've been everybody else now I wanna be
Something closer to myself

Paint me in a different light
Shed me yet another coat of skin
Mark me with ash until I'm clean again
Cause I'm so sick and tired
Of being sick and tired
I know I can love you, I know that I can

I wanna feel something sweeter than this sin
Cover me in leaves roll me over again
I've been everybody else now I wanna be
Something closer to myself

the most unlikely bluff of a lifetime

it may seem like the bluff of a lifetime, but i honestly and absolutely miss taking transfer calls. after a year of whining on how brutal a transfer call can be, its a wonder i didn't end up a loony. we've had every type of transferred call imaginable. there were callers who were bribing us to get ex-directory numbers. and those, who in their anger, will sue the company and contact their solicitor for not finding a listing which according to them, has been there for 50 years! ganun pala katagal, eh bat hindi mo alam pangalan at ang number! sus!! and ofcourse, those proud and arrogant second-class citizens, who wants to talk to a real british supervisor, someone who can perfectly speak and understand english. when a csr, before transferring a call, explains that the caller wants an english supervisor, i automatically turn into bitch mode.

caller: "Ar yu da supervisoor?"

me: "Yes, you've been transferred to a supervisor. How may I help you?"

caller: "Ar yu eeengliish?"

me: "No, are you? (cheery tone) How may I help you today?"

caller: "Wel, I du not want to tok to yu cos i dont tink yu can speak eengliish!"

hello lang?!! sino bang mas english-sounding sa ten?!!

i might forget the prank callers whose cheap thrills include an off-key singing at other end of the line. and worse, callers so horny, it disgusts me to hear them doing, certain things. a big yuck.

when i requested that my name be taken off the list of transfer agents, i knew i was saving myself from jaded moments. while some callers seem pacified when transferred to us, there were a few who wouldn't mind battling, debating and belittling us. vulgar and harsh words slashed at us, we were struggling to live up the true meaning of a runner.

caller: "Whaaat?!!! Don't tell me it's not f****ng there! I
pay you a f****ng fortune!!! blah blah blah

me: "I do apologize but I am not pulling up anything at all for that listing. I could arrange a refund for you though.."

it was an effort to be patient when you are provoked to the highest level. but really, i am such a phony sometimes, i was using sarcasm to get back at them. this i learned from selene who share the woes with me.

caller: "How are you spelling Twickenham anyway?"

me: "Oh, I believe there's only one way of spelling Twickenham!!( in a very fast voice) That's tango-whisky-india- charlie-kilo-echo-november-hotel-alpha-mike."

ha ha. suits them ;) or in another call.

caller: I'm looking for a company called _____, something
like that. I dont have the address all I know is that it's in the
UK.

me: So you're not sure of the name?

caller: Yes, but it's something like that. Sounds like that.

me: Do you know what type of business please?

caller: I'm not sure.

me: ( in very patient, pleasant and helpful tone but through gritted teath) you're not sure of the name, you don't have the address, and you' don't know what type of business it is, how do you suppose we'll find it?"

yeah baby, tell me, how are we supposed to find it?!! hay, sorry anglophiliacs out there, there are still a few things worth loathing about them.

loathing their racist remarks, their unreasonable quirks and impatience, and their vulgar words, i am, suddenly, oddly, missing them. true. i miss the challenge of having them turn around from one irate customer to a very satisfied one. i am missing the the challenge of doing a national, all-over-the-corners-of-the-uk search and finally finding their most precious number. and their absolute joy when we find it- wow! i miss showing them how we filipinos have mastered their country's geography and language even beating them at those most of the time! i miss getting angry with them while keeping myself cool and composed. i am babbling all of these but i sure am meaning everything.

hey, teammates, pinch yourself, coz angie the whiner, has gone mad. she wants it all back! all the bickering, debating and the hard work! give it all back to her! :) four years of saying the same protocol is way, way, way too much sedation.. i am wanting more of the exciting, challenging moments. if it gets any more boring, i'll personally take the hunch, go to my manager and give myself another chance.

sometimes

by jewel

Sometimes
I feel
my heart
fall
to vague depths
between
words there
are such
spaces that
I can't help
but feel
My Heart
fall
between
the pregnant pause
of all you will
not say
and all
I can
not ask

crossroads

i am marking this year as a crossroad.

inhibitions and fears shall be thrown out.

i shall inch my way towards a world beyond the dome of my limitations.

yep, it's about time! kaya ko 'to!

lest i become off-tangent again with my-so-called-dreams, i am surrounding myself with calendars and planners and deadlines to keep me dead-focused while cut-out pictures of rainbows, kites and hot-air balloons are posted on my bedroom wall to keep me feeling inspired.

i am painting colors to an otherwise plain life :)

happy new year!

The Inertia of a Lonely Heart

by Jewel

The world is full of cripples

and endless nights

and broken fruit

and calls that never come through

and restless dreams

that fear being awake

and stars that lose themselves

and waves that are always leaving

and bitten mouths

and lonely bars

and rosy nipples

rosy as dawn

rosy as the first blush of youth

and tired people

and lonely hearts

opening, orbiting

crashing into open mouths

and hungry eyes

and empty-handed lovers;

the inertia of loneliness

a miserable force.

hanging on

i have been someone who's keen on reworking my self from time to time. and i know it will be lifetime process. because when things really hit me bad, i totally forget what i've learned in the Accepting Life- key to wholeness category.

like failing QA. on the few weeks of the year wherein i have deliberately planned and decided to get a 100% QA. i have never wanted a 100% QA so badly before. i have done what i thought was my best. and it's frustrating to fail on the only weekend of the year where i have decided to render overtime. frustrating is an understatement. i am sad. disheartened. and displaced again.

because getting good QAs will mean more cash. and more cash will lead me to financial freedom, which in angie's dictionary equates to zero-debt, larger savings and moving on to greener pastures. and quite honestly, i am actually readying myself to embrace changes soon.

haay..

sob stories after another. life unfolds with a few each day and sometimes i react as if it is life-threatening. as if i'm standing on a railway track where a train will pass anytime soon. i wish i can wholly say that i am unaffected.

well, affected as i am, i'll sleepwalk thru these few weeks until i get my hard-earned 13th month pay. and i will tell myself to hang on because one thing i've learned, creating artificial stress in my life will make me look like a hag. a tired, ugly old hag. so yup, im hanging on!

Between Them

Between Them

between the moon
and a star—
their distance

by belleloved

Slipping Away

music,
a voice pauses
as hollowness deepens
like your memories. it rises
then fades.

by belleloved

turning 30

these past few days, i have been on a reflective and thoughtful mood. while life for some begins at 40, i am rooting that it will at 30, well at least for me. wow, 30! 3 decades! i have turned 30 last oct 6! and while i have gotten more than my share of people saying, "matanda ka na talaga. magboyfriend ka na" or "mahirap tumanda ng mag-isa,", i wanted to just step back and wonder, does everyone really think that this is what i'm so worried about? is this the best thing that they can advise me? honestly, i am quite upset at these but i do understand that my friends meant well. on the contrary, turning 30 has gotten me pondering more about God's plan for me. of what life has to offer. of exciting new experiences and challenges. another chapter, another chance.

this i am thinking- that life is beautiful because i am getting chances each day. a chance to live life to the fullest. to love as much as i can love. to give as much as i can give. to treat life and everything, even problems and inconveniences as gifts. i have experienced so much in the past decade that made me see that while life doesn't turn out the way i want it to be, it still rocks! through my life's bliss, joys, confusions and sobstories, i am raising my glass for a life lived meaningfully. and that is again according to angie's lifemeter. sure i have enslaved myself with mistakes and sins, over and over and over again. but that didn't stop me from believing and renewing myself. too often i tire myself of the cycle i put myself into. twisted logic, dramatic sprees, and a worry bin! i've had too much negatives that i am trying to throw away each day. for these i am applauding myself- for the goals i've reached and have not reached, for the lessons learned and still learning, for blessings that have gone and gazillions more that are coming, God willing. ;)

Days Go By

Days Go By

by Jason Wade

So don't. Sit back, and watch the days go by.
Are you ever gonna live before you die?
And when things fall apart,
the world is coming down,
Leave it all behind.
Leave the loneliness alone.
You wait forever blind.

So come on and leave the years and you watch the days go by.
Come on and leave the fears that you were afraid to find,
cause while you wait inside, the days go by.

So all the memories fade and the days go by.
Forget the lonely years.
Today's in mind
I know its never gonna be the way you like
and I know you don't wanna think about,
all the endlessness you find.
You wait forever blind

So come on and leave the years and you watch the days go by.
Come on and leave the fears that you were afraid to find
you're waiting for your time
of these days gone wrong
who broke your fall
what a way to learn

so come on and leave the years and you watch the days go by
come on and leave the fears that you were afraid to find
cause time is passing by

missing bora

i have to say that i miss boracay already. haay..the cool morning mist, the stretch of glorious white sands plus the quaint souvenir shops and cafes. not to mention the sudden evening rain showers. we were in fact wet all the time. he he. we braved through it all though. it was worth it i guess.while everyone associates boracay with the blazing heat and exciting nightlife, we'd remember it as peaceful and secluded haven. i remember seeing people mostly foreigners just lounging on one of the cafes and propped with a book. thats how i see boracay, a place where one can simply loosen up, have fun, while having a grand panoramic view of the beach.

the rain was always present and in different forms- dew in the very early morning, mist around 9, fog at noon, drizzle during the afternoons and a full-blown habagat at dusk and early evenings! but still, i loved everything about it. as in!

on our second day there, the group has decided to go on island-hopping! we were on the last activity for that island hopping, w/c was snorkelling, when all of a sudden it rained. hard. i was freaking out. the chicken in me. he he. we were in the middle of the sea and we're on a small boat with katig w/c was supposed to calm me down because according to them, it will float no matter what. but i just wanted to go back. and ofcourse we couldn't. we had to wait for it to stop because of the strong winds. i was putting my faith on the thought that oliver and dorian was so excited to go snorkelling despite the rain. fine! fine! fine! we were cold and chilling. i was thinking of hypothermia. drowning. being eaten by sharks. not reaching the age of 30. of not experienciung true love. honestly, everything bad and morbid. but I survived it. i really did. maybe because of the view that we had. we can see the rain as it glided among the countryside towards us who were floating at sea. i kept on telling them, "Uy, umuulan dun o". the next thing i knew, we were drenched with rainwater. it felt great afterwards. haay what an experience! shempre, only in bora! ;)

it still is the best indulgence i had this year. despite the gusty wind and frequent rains, i managed to succumb to the magic of boracay. oh yes, boracay! at last! i still am absorbing the fact that i was there last week. while it took me 29 years to finally ride a plane, it didn't even take me one long minute to fall in love with bora. i was bewitched at first sight! though it was raining when we stayed there, the beach could not hide its beauty. the waters were pale blue but clear. the very long stretch of white pulvoronic sands made it all the more dramatic and simply breathtaking. while travel brochures have used every superfluous words to describe it, i still think it can never be overrated.

<

Waiting for the World to Fall

Waiting for the World to Fall

by Jars of Clay

I'm afraid it's been too long to try to find the reasons why
I let my world close in around a smaller patch of fading sky
But now I've grown beyond the walls to where I've never been
And it's still winter in my wonderland


I'm waiting for the world to fall
I'm waiting for the scene to change
I'm waiting when the colors come
I'm waiting to let my world come undone

I close my eyes and try to see the world unbroken underneath
The farther off and already it just might make the life I lead
A little more than make-believe when all my skies are painted blue
And all the clouds don't ever change the shape of who I am to You

I'm waiting for the world to fall
I'm waiting for the scene to change
I'm waiting when the colors come
I'm waiting to let my world come undone

When I catch the light of falling stars my view is changing me
My view is changing me

I'm waiting

missing myself

the year is halfway through, and i'm thinking of what i've achieved and what i've missed. sadly, its more of the missed- missed goals, missed opportunities, missed targets. seriously, i am thwarted by all of these. am i turning into one regretful person? maybe i am. but that is the truth. i am regretting i haven't pursued my goals. i hate myself for being so damned comfortable and lax. for being ok. for not being competitive and idealistic like young people should be. maybe i really am losing my idealism. and now that i wanted to just go for it, i can't- anymore. but maybe, i haven't tried harder. or didn't i? i am confused as i was confused five or seven years ago. i am older but i feel young and that is to a fault. i am aimless as i was aimless years ago. i am afraid as i was years ago. i have wanted someone to lead me. and i found Him. still the same, i am foolishly stubborn. sometimes, i feel trapped by my very ownself. oh God, can i own strength? can i be undaunted and brave for once? i yearn to be somebody i haven't been my whole life. and i hopeful it will come.

Sundo

Sundo

Imago

Kay tagal kong sinusuyod

ang buong mundo

Para hanapin,

para hanapin ka

Nilibot ang distrito

ng iyong lumbay

Pupulutin, pupulutin ka

Sinusundo kita,

Sinusundo

Asahan mong mula ngayon

pag-ibig ko'y sayo

Asahan mong mula ngayon

pag-ibig ko'y sayo

Sa akin mo isabitang iyong lumbay

Di kukulanginang ibibigay

Isuko ang kaba

tuluyan kang bumitaw

Ika'y manalig

Manalig ka..

Sinusundo kita

Sinusundo...

Asahan mong mula ngayon

pag-ibig koay sayo

Asahan mong mula ngayon

pag-ibig ko'y sayo

Handa na sa liwanag mo

Sinuyod ang buong mundo

Maghihintay sayong sundo

postsecret

after selene recommended me to check out this site- postsecret.blogspot.com, i have never missed visiting it each week. it contains secrets that are dark, funny, endearing, ponderous and sometimes disturbing. anyone can mail a card and design it the way he or she wants it. it can be arty, sloppy or fussy and meticulous. the ones posted on the site are remarkable. its like seeing and feeling souls. conveying emotions through pictures and a simple statements, most never fail to astound me. right now, they have conjured a different way of presentaton- through a mini-movie. superb! bravo!

kulitan maxed-out

with the job that we have, one can't help but master the art of multi-tasking. as we are directory operators in the UK, our call usually ends in less than a minute. and the calls just keeps on coming in after we log in. we were rarely without a call unless we opt to be pasaways, pressing the aux work button for a few seconds to breathe. so imagine staying in the company for more than four years. each day, eight hours of our lives are dedicated to giving out numbers to snotty brits! though the company prohibits us from bringing any reading materials, we can still sneak some just to kill our boredom. palibhasa, mga tenured na. we've done pocket books of every genre, newspapers( my fave is libre with its crazy horoscopes), magazines(Yes!, Ok! Time, Newsweek, Readers Digest), cookbooks even. we've also learned the art of tissue-folding. after a loo break, a titan would have gotten piles of tissue papers. and thus the art of folding follows. right now, the team is into crossword and sudoku puzzles. medyo umangat na kahit papano! he he. imagine. we were this bored. but i guess the best one was the tong-its. he he. with cards made of cut out scratch papers and pencil-drawn numbers and images, we were playing it like crazy. ang saya! but they were stricter now and we dare not jeopardize our job. that would be shameful. playing cards while on duty? tsk.tsk. gud luck. pano mo naman iexplain yan sa parents mo. oh yes, i forgot to mention origami. the stars were my favorite. after creating one, we threw each other paper stars. parang sweet noh? but we are a team like that. kulitan maxed out. luckily, we remain to be the top team in the call center, minus the kalokohan ofcourse. that's why i love my job. after a day's work, i feel a need to be sedated but that's a different story ;)

griffynjaos

Moon

Moon
by Sia

I watch you spin from afar
I drink you in and breath you out
I'm camouflaged by the timeline
I'm camouflaged when the sun shines

Two ships passing in the night
Two lips pressing ground the tides

I believe the world it spins for you
We will never be
I am the moon

I long to be a part
I isolate my heart
You've drawn me into your world

Now I too spin limbless
One hand clapping
Where's the wind
I stand spanning at your distant wings

I believe the world it spins for you
We will never be
I am the moon.