"Everybody wants to be found."

- Lost in Translation

Recently, Christopher Cross, one of my favorite artists came to the country for a concert. Unfortunately, desires of going were lost when challenged with the prevailing budget-pocket-oh-why-do-i-have-to-be-poor-crunch. :( Too bad though because i really, really adore his ballads- "Swept Away", "Think of Laura", "I Will Take You Forever", "Is There Something", "Sailing", "Arthur's Theme". I was dreaming of being one of his audience, singing along as he sings music close to my heart, music that had me 'falling' with the idea of falling in love. I was nuts that way and well, I still am (I think). His songs have this wonderful soothing, melodious & dreamlike quality in them, which perfectly fits his light and luminous voice. Hay..

Wishlist #50- delayed! (Positivity is taking over! Who says I can't go to his next concert, right?!)

And for the meantime, I'll post lyrics from my favorite song of his, "Swept Away".

..And so it begins
This journey of love
The summer wind carries us to places all our own
The words of a look
The language of touch
The way that you want me means so much
And I never wanted anything more than to love you


I was swept away
No one in the world but you and I
Gotta find a way to make you feel the way that I do
I was swept away
Without a warning
Like night when the morning begins the day
I was swept away

I hope I wake up soon
I'm a victim of that crazy moon

bright as yellow

Big Fish

Bright As Yellow

by Innocence Mission

And I do not want to be a rose.
I do not wish to be pale pink,
but flower scarlet, flower gold.
And have no thorns to distance me,
but be bright,
bright as yellow,
warm as yellow.

ate aileen

living with a father who goes abroad to work should prepare me more of my sister's leaving. but it does not. the truth is i'm so sad, everytime i remember she'll leave in a few days, i instantly hold back bucket of tears (or a dam for that matter) and gasp to breathe like one big santol seed is stuck in my throat, choking me. my sister, ate aileen, hasn't left yet but i already miss her.

she knows it. in fact, whenever we talk and i begin to worry and say, "aalis ka na, naku! " (oh no, you're leaving!), she sees me make a complete idiot of myself- twisted face, pouting, ugly mouth holding back gazillion sobs. she then looks mad, "ANGIE, please!!!" (the 3 exclamation marks showing her disappointment & frustration at me, for crying like a 5 year old girl).

she has decided to be the bold, brave one- applying for a job in a hospital in the far, far country of Saudi Arabia where culture is deeply Islamic, where women wear hijab (a veil used to cover the body), where there are deserts and sandstorms, and mosques galore, where there are zero family & friends (yet). i wish i am like her- risking, sacrificing, heroic in some way. Had she not thought of her son's future, she would have willingly preferred to stay, just like my dad and all other overseas filipino workers.

in a few days, she'll be thousands of miles away from us. i'll miss our kulitan, our frequent arguments (yup!), her nagging, her almost delicious pansit, chopsuey, adobo and barbecue (ha ha!), her constant striving to beat me in cooking pasta and losing at that(sorry sis!). Of course!

i'll miss her taking care of her son, miggy.

i'll miss seeing her do miggy's projects, getting no less than excellent marks, her artistic tendencies showing.

i'll miss her driving our car- our out-of-town trips. i'll miss her pointing out trees when driving on highways (angie, santol/mangga/kape, o! ang dami bunga!)

i'll miss her stories of korean telenovelas. her nursing of crushes (wu chun, dao and the likes). her collection of korean & chinese flicks (gazillions!), piling inside her drawers.

i don't know which is harder though, leaving or being left behind. and yup, i'm considering myself a part of the olds but lately i have a feeling that i still am a wimp on most things, like this, like saying goodbyes. hay.

“ It is clearly not the journey for everyone. People succeed in as many ways as there are people. Some can be completely fulfilled with destinations that are much closer to home and more comfortable. But if you long to keep going, then I hope you are able to follow my lead to the places I have gone. To within a whisper of your own personal perfection. To places that are sweeter because you worked so hard to arrive there. To places at the very edge of your dreams."

- Ben Johnson

I may not be different, but I’m definitely not the same.

..William J. Dybus

Hesus Ng Aking Buhay

Hesus Ng Aking Buhay
by Arnel Aquino, SJ

Sikat ng umaga
Buhos ng ulan
Simoy ng dapithapon
Sinag ng buwan
Batis na malinaw
Dagat na bughaw
Gayon ang Panginoon kong
Hesus ng aking buhay

Saan man ako bumaling
Ika’y naroon
Tumalikod man sa ‘yo
Dakilang pag-ibig mo
Sa aki’y tatawag at magpapaalalang
Ako’y iyong iniibig
At siyang itatapat sa puso

Tinig ng kaibigan
Oyayi ng ina
Pag-asa ng ulila
Bisig ng dukha
Ilaw ng may takot
Ginhawa ng aba
Gayon ang Panginoon kong
Hesus ng aking buhay

Saan man ako bumaling
Ika’y naroon
Tumalikod man sa ‘yo
Dakilang pag-ibig mo
Sa aki’y tatawag at magpapaalalang
Ako’y iyong iniibig
At siyang itatapat sa puso

pals

it's been months. every time, i see myself battling between sitting & blogging my life away or just ignoring the urge to do so. the latter always wins obviously, of course, till now. so what changed my mind today, this night, this very minute? *sigh* in all honesty and directness, the sad thoughts- those freaking sudden realizations that's making the life of me unsettling and huffy, this one particular nagging feeling i've been ignoring and denying for a long time. ( now im hating blogging because in a way, i am putting things in perspective i am seeing things a lot clearer and those deeply held emotions are prone to better understanding for such a denying mind, like mine. and it's not looking good. tsk, tsk.)

denying, denial, deny. i wish for the day when i will stop feeling a need to deny what i see or feel or sense. i hope for the day that when things droop that way, I will, for the life of me, not care, not a single bit at all. and i wish i am not eaten up by stupidities for accusing friends of crimes when i only have a feeling they did it. but everyday proves my suspicion. i wish i am resigned- to have that feeling of acceptance so i won't be bothered anymore because in fact, it's tiring.

Love Poem no. 3

"love if anything is fleeting.."

Love Poem no. 3

by Bittergrace

What shall I call you?
I wouldn’t know.

We are neither who we were
Nor who we were supposed to be
Our lives have stretched out
In different paths,
Sometimes even parallel
Except–
When it brings me back to you.

Never mind.

Love, if anything, is fleeting
It comes like a storm
And one stands in its eye
Unknowing, unflinching, unable
To refuse it.
Neither were we ready
Nor spared for its force
It brought us together
And ripped us further apart
Than we already were.

You know,
I don’t even know
Your favorite color.
I never asked.

crappy days

there are days when i feel like im losing it. everything or should i say everyone is crap. you go to work and the very first person you talked to has just embarked on a mile-long rant about the super- duper- hot- the-sun-is-the-culprit weather, the forever hanging PCs in the office, the weekly failing QAs and flunking team ranks and all negativity about each and every person in the whole wide universe! now you know the names she baptizes people behind their backs - the gold digger, the oldie, the smarty-smart, the bitch, the miserables and so on and so forth. whew! at the end of those first-person-I-encounter-in-the-office moment, i feel like i've been robbed off the beauty the day and the world has to offer me.

and my shift hasn't even started yet. imagine!

forgive me but im just human. ergo, i falter. even if i try not to care, it just gets into me sometimes. worse, i have this annoying fantasy of telling her to just "shut up" while she talks and bashes people. actually, last week, i had the guts to tell her that the people she speaks ill about don't even know she feels that way about them. and so, they're happier. she was silent for a moment and asked me, "masaya nga ba talaga sila?" it sounded like a rhetorical question but what the heck, i answered "yes".

this type of evil conversations, combined with unexpected accidents like spilling sweet and sour sauce all over my sleeves by someone and friends pinpointedly telling me why am i like this or like that, made me feel so crappy, i snapped out. on a friend i love dearly. angie turned bitchy. goodness! i felt my friends faces twitched into, "where the heck did that come from!". if i'm living in some foreign first world country, i might have been a good patient for anger management. but hey, even the nicest person (ahem!) can be a bitch when she’s had enough.

it's weird though, i felt better after i snapped out. i kinda know now why some say we have to have one carefully chosen curse word to liberate oneself. it felt that way. too bad, i hurt my friend's feelings. but i was hurt too. some days, i just don't feel like taking all the jokes anymore. especially when its on me most of the time.

am i being irrational or just plain sensitive? i don't want to blame events or people for snapping out like one evil rat. maybe, i should just let it be that way. cause really things sometimes just sucks and you have to be some wunderkind to just breathe it all in.

credits to jessi for the pic.

you who never arrived

"..You who forever elude me.."

You Who Never Arrived

rainer maria rilke

You who never arrived
in my arms, Beloved, who were lost
from the start,
I don’t even know what songs
would please you. I have given up trying
to recognize you in the surging wave of the next
moment. All the immense
images in me – the far-off, deeply-felt landscape,
cities, towers, and bridges, and un-
suspected turns in the path,
and those powerful lands that were once
pulsing with the life of the gods –
all rise within me to mean
you, who forever elude me.

You, Beloved, who are all
the gardens I have ever gazed at;
longing. An open window
in a country house –, and you almost
stepped out, pensive, to meet me.

Streets that I chance upon, –
you had just walked down them and

vanished.
And sometimes, in a shop, the mirrors
were still dizzy with your presence and,

startled, gave back my too-sudden image.

Who knows? Perhaps the same
bird echoed through both of us
yesterday, separate, in the evening . . .

what if i fall in love?

credits to

a softer world

Inspirational

Don't date because you are desperate.

Don't marry because you are miserable.

Don't have kids because you think your genes are superior.

Don't philander because you think youare irresistible.

Don't associate with people you canttrust.

Don't cheat. Don't lie. Don't pretend.

Don't dictate because you are smarter.

Don't demand because you are stronger.

Don't sleep around because you thinkyou are old enough & know better.

Don't hurt your kids because loving them is harder.

Don't sell yourself, your family, or your ideals.

Don't stagnate!Don't regress. Don't live in the past.

Time can't bring anything or anyone back.

Don't put your life on hold for possibly Mr. Right.

Don't throw your life away on absolutely Mr. Wrong because your biological clock is ticking.

Learn a new skill.

Find a new friend.

Start a new career.

Sometimes, there is no race to be won, only a price to be paid for some of life's more hasty decisions.

To terminate your loneliness, reachout to the homeless.

To feed your nurturing instincts, carefor the needy.

To fulfill your parenting fantasies, get a puppy.

Don't bring another life into this world for all the wrong reasons.

To make yourself happy, pursue yourpassions & be the best of what youcan be.

Simplify your life. Take awaythe clutter.

Get rid of destructive elements: abusive friends, nasty habits, anddangerous liaisons.

Don't abandon your responsibilities but don't overdose on duty.

Don't live life recklessly without thought and feeling for your family.

Be true to yourself. Don't commit when you are not ready.

Don't keep others waiting needlessly. Go on that trip. Don't postpone it.

Say those words. Don't let the moment pass.

Do what you have to, even at society's scorn.

Write poetry. Love Deeply. Walk barefoot. Dance with wild abandon. Cry at the movies. Take care of yourself.

Don't wait forsomeone to take care of you. You light up your life. You drive yourself to your destination.

No one completes you - except YOU.

It isn't true that life does not get easier with age.

It only gets more challenging. Don't be afraid. Don't lose your capacity to love.

Pursue your passions. Live your dreams.

Don't lose faith in God.

Don't grow old. Just grow YOU!

When you give someone your time, you are giving them a portion of your life that you'll never get back. Your time is your life. That is whythe greatest gift you can give to someone is your time. Relationships take time and effort, and the best way to spell love is T-I-M-E because the essence of love is not what we think or do or provide for others, but how much we give of ourselves.

God is good all the time!

awakening the spirit

over the weekend, i have decided to put a forgotten good habit back to life. its the string of not-so-good events that i have thoroughly contemplated that had me pondering of a perfect way out. maybe it was impending- these events lately that shook my world out of its boring daily orbit. i didn't expect it of course but as they say life is just a mirror and what we see out there, we must first see inside us. i'm am now putting things in perspective. and i'm starting with myself. as i have been too spun-out by the recent events, i have finally decided to die to myself. die. every chance i can get. to all my wants. and loves. to be no longer subject. to be indifferent.

for a whopping 3 minutes or so, this late in the afternoon, i have decided to own these words again. to arm me with life's disparity, i will die to myself and practice it in my ordinary day-to-day existence. because more often than not, I don't get what I want most out of life. *sniff*. and its sad. and it breaks me. and i want to move on. and get the best angie, my best self, out of or better, with this suffocating shell. and how do i do this?

the mortification of the body strengthens the spirit.

as a very pious and spiritual teen *sigh* (gone were the days), i lived up this very powerful words. i have read a good amount of spiritual memoirs, one of which was Sister Lucia's Memoirs, of Fatima. this tiny book has changed me *sigh again* for quite a while and taught me to suffer for Christ. it emphasized on the virtue of suffering which links us to Christ Triumphant. and i was amazed by which my beloved Lucia, Francisco and Jacinta mortified themselves for God. ordinary things mortified and done out of love made them stronger spiritually.

and the forgotten days will be back again ;)

now, i have no better goal than this. i will accept life as God wills it. and i am armouring myself with mortification and self-denial again because i know that to live in this world is to suffer. but to suffer like Christ is to gain perfection.

A Love

Pablo Neruda

Because of you, in gardens of blossoming flowers
I ache from the perfumes of spring.
I have forgotten your face, I no longer remember your hands;
how did your lips feel on mine?
Because of you, I love the white statues drowsing in the parks,
the white statues that have neither voice nor sight.
I have forgotten your voice, your happy voice;
I have forgotten your eyes.
Like a flower to its perfume, I am bound to my vague memory of you.
I live with pain that is like a wound;
if you touch me, you will do me irreparable harm.
Your caresses enfold me, like climbing vines on melancholy walls.
I have forgotten your love, yet I seem to glimpse you in every window.
Because of you, the heady perfumes of summer pain me;
Because of you, I again seek out the signs that precipitate desires:
shooting stars, falling objects.

i carry your heart with me

ee cummings

i carry your heart with me (i carry it in
my heart) i am never without it (anywhere
i go you go,my dear;and whatever is done
by only me is your doing,my darling)
i fear

no fate (for you are my fate,my sweet) i want
no world (for beautiful you are my world, my true)
and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you

here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life; which grows
higher than soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

i carry your heart (i carry it in my heart)

jaded

i am sad. the whole day. hay.
what am i doing ? and what am i not doing?
and where the hell am i going?
lost na naman si angie!
can someone tell me the answer lest i morphed again into some freaking zombie.

..let me take you down coz we're going to..

..strawberry fields, nothing is real, and there's nothing to get hung about..

good thing im such a beatle fan, or else i would have dismissed this movie, across the universe, as typical b movie. truth is, despite its very simple plot, the music soars! across the universe is a passionate musical love story set during the turbulent 1960's and to the great songs of The Beatles. from the first scene, where jude sings ..is there anybody going to listen to my story all about a girl who came to stay.., i was totally drawn. and it didn't help that the main character, jude, was way over cute and has a liverpool drawl! plus the hair, very.. unruly. haha! ok this looks so, so familiar ;) anyways, they did some of my favorite beatles songs like, "strawberry fields forever", "i want to hold your hand", "if i fell", "all you need is love", "across the universe", "hey jude", "and i love her". i love the part where jude was creating an artwork of strawberries pinned to a white wall, and interchangingly the vietnam war was being shown. and as he crushed and destroyed the strawberries due to love frenzy with lucy, red juices oozed on the wall as real blood brought by war was shown too. and all along, jude was singing "strawberry fields forever"!!! ang galing! it was an artwork in motion. the funny thing was i was singing with the characters all throughout the movie. hay, i couldn't figure out why others would say that this is a beatle betrayal. the movie was psychedelically charming. as an artist wanna-be, i was blown away by the use of visual arts and effects. the casts were unknown, but i give them a 5 star for their performance. this is the first movie i really, as in really enjoyed watching this year. and im sharing this especially to all beatle fanatics especially to my rocker cousin, ryu! yup, do watch it and you'll know exactly what i mean ;)

You are near

Yahweh, I know you are near,

standing always at my side.

You guard me from the foe,

and you lead me in ways everlasting.

Lord, you have searched my heart,

and you know when I sit and when I stand.

Your hand is upon me protecting me from death,

keeping me from harm.

Where can I run from Your love?

If I climb to the heavens You are there;

If I fly to the sunrise or sail beyond the sea,

still I'd find You there.

You know my heart and its ways,

you who formed me before I was born

in the secret of darkness

before I saw the sun

in my mother's womb.

Marvelous to me are Your works;

how profound are Your thoughts, my Lord!

Even if I could count them,

they number as the stars,

You would still be there.

sunset lane in moa

I had a quiet, blissful and happy saturday night. my family and i went to stroll and dine along mall of asia's row of restaurants facing the bay. hay, it was lovely! even before parking, we had the chance to view the colorful fireworks! and as we strolled, we noticed that the grounds were very clean and spacious. the walk was lined with lamp posts illuminating strollers with a kind of sepia glow. palm trees were sprawled near the fountain area where mostly kids look amazed at the artistic splash of water. the dancing waters of the fountain was spectacular, or maybe i was just surprised that it danced, with its different tricks to a groovy old frank sinatra song! kaaliw! the kulets were asking me with coins which they were planning to throw in the fountain. it then gave me the idea! i led them near the fountain, gave each of them a coin and asked to say they're wishes out loud! boy, were they excited!! nakakatuwa talaga ang mga bata! shempre, the aunt got to wish too ;) "1-2-3! say you're wish... kiss your coin.. and drop it in the fountain!" we saw our coins splashed below the fountains' shallow water. that, had them goofy and giddy!!! i, specially was in a play mode, running and tagging after my two pamangkins who were shrieking and laughing at the same time. then, my ate and i, had each of those two kulets, hunched on our backs while we race at the nearest palm tree! hehe! it was so, so much fun, i swear. i mean i should be doing this at least once a week to keep me sane ;)

anyway, along with these were restaurants and bars that offer great food, mostly seafood and filipino dish. bands also performed and made sure everyone was having a good time. every once in a while, a brave person would jam with them. we dined at trinity's, a seafood restaurant and preferred to stay outside. with the perfect view of the bay plus the great music playing, i know my mom was enjoying herself. and that alone, completed my night! hay.. ;) well, the food too was scrumptious especially the buttered, sweetened shrimps! ang sarap! again i was mentally jotting down that one of these days i'll conjure something like it ;) we passed some street artists. one had his face painted in ghostly white. he wore a black costume ala charlie chaplin. he stood in a tiny podium, staring at passersby, i guess to entertain. i was not entertained though, he looks damn scary!

after eating, we strolled back to the parking lot, passing all those funky sculptures of anchors and dolphins' tails. we found a spot and sat comfortably at the bays' walk. i stared at the black open sea infront of me while a small ferry passed with brightened little lights. and i was thinking of things. a slight breeze plus a dazzle of stars on black sky, always get me thinking of life, of love. yan, cheesy na. i can't help it, the place was downright romantic. tsk.

anyways, it was a happy night with my family. accompanied by soft breeze, feel-good music, delicious dinner and people i *smile* love, i reached home wishing for more of it this summer.

mabel and sis grace

miep, mumay and ate

ate. buchog and happy :)

pseudo-love

this day i went home feeling , oh so free!

and i finally saw it all- how my instincts have been perfectly right and how it was trying to save me all along. and so i've been right all along. sabi ko na nga ba!

and now i know that there is something about distancing that makes you see the world sharply defined. and i am amazed how it freed me!

because we mistake love with the need of companionship. because we give too much emotions to the wrong person. because we get too much amazed and emotionally-involved to have thought of it as something beautiful and magical. and we are wanting to be with that person only because there is potent and unrelenting nagging in us to find someone to love.

and then the distance.

sabi ko na nga ba.

i cannot possibly like him! not in a romantic type of way.

tsk. i cant always be sappy for things as complicated as this, diba ;)

closer to myself

by kendall payne

Digging deep, I feel my conscience burn
I need to know who and what I am
This hunger jolts me from complacency
Rocks me, makes me meet myself
Jacob walked a limp to remind him
Of the greater gift of the greater one
But when I fell, I fell to my own resources
How can I carry the truth, if I can't even crawl to you?

I wanna feel something sweeter than this sin
Cover me in leaves roll me over again
I've been everybody else now I wanna be
Something closer to myself

Paint me in a different light
Shed me yet another coat of skin
Mark me with ash until I'm clean again
Cause I'm so sick and tired
Of being sick and tired
I know I can love you, I know that I can

I wanna feel something sweeter than this sin
Cover me in leaves roll me over again
I've been everybody else now I wanna be
Something closer to myself

the most unlikely bluff of a lifetime

it may seem like the bluff of a lifetime, but i honestly and absolutely miss taking transfer calls. after a year of whining on how brutal a transfer call can be, its a wonder i didn't end up a loony. we've had every type of transferred call imaginable. there were callers who were bribing us to get ex-directory numbers. and those, who in their anger, will sue the company and contact their solicitor for not finding a listing which according to them, has been there for 50 years! ganun pala katagal, eh bat hindi mo alam pangalan at ang number! sus!! and ofcourse, those proud and arrogant second-class citizens, who wants to talk to a real british supervisor, someone who can perfectly speak and understand english. when a csr, before transferring a call, explains that the caller wants an english supervisor, i automatically turn into bitch mode.

caller: "Ar yu da supervisoor?"

me: "Yes, you've been transferred to a supervisor. How may I help you?"

caller: "Ar yu eeengliish?"

me: "No, are you? (cheery tone) How may I help you today?"

caller: "Wel, I du not want to tok to yu cos i dont tink yu can speak eengliish!"

hello lang?!! sino bang mas english-sounding sa ten?!!

i might forget the prank callers whose cheap thrills include an off-key singing at other end of the line. and worse, callers so horny, it disgusts me to hear them doing, certain things. a big yuck.

when i requested that my name be taken off the list of transfer agents, i knew i was saving myself from jaded moments. while some callers seem pacified when transferred to us, there were a few who wouldn't mind battling, debating and belittling us. vulgar and harsh words slashed at us, we were struggling to live up the true meaning of a runner.

caller: "Whaaat?!!! Don't tell me it's not f****ng there! I
pay you a f****ng fortune!!! blah blah blah

me: "I do apologize but I am not pulling up anything at all for that listing. I could arrange a refund for you though.."

it was an effort to be patient when you are provoked to the highest level. but really, i am such a phony sometimes, i was using sarcasm to get back at them. this i learned from selene who share the woes with me.

caller: "How are you spelling Twickenham anyway?"

me: "Oh, I believe there's only one way of spelling Twickenham!!( in a very fast voice) That's tango-whisky-india- charlie-kilo-echo-november-hotel-alpha-mike."

ha ha. suits them ;) or in another call.

caller: I'm looking for a company called _____, something
like that. I dont have the address all I know is that it's in the
UK.

me: So you're not sure of the name?

caller: Yes, but it's something like that. Sounds like that.

me: Do you know what type of business please?

caller: I'm not sure.

me: ( in very patient, pleasant and helpful tone but through gritted teath) you're not sure of the name, you don't have the address, and you' don't know what type of business it is, how do you suppose we'll find it?"

yeah baby, tell me, how are we supposed to find it?!! hay, sorry anglophiliacs out there, there are still a few things worth loathing about them.

loathing their racist remarks, their unreasonable quirks and impatience, and their vulgar words, i am, suddenly, oddly, missing them. true. i miss the challenge of having them turn around from one irate customer to a very satisfied one. i am missing the the challenge of doing a national, all-over-the-corners-of-the-uk search and finally finding their most precious number. and their absolute joy when we find it- wow! i miss showing them how we filipinos have mastered their country's geography and language even beating them at those most of the time! i miss getting angry with them while keeping myself cool and composed. i am babbling all of these but i sure am meaning everything.

hey, teammates, pinch yourself, coz angie the whiner, has gone mad. she wants it all back! all the bickering, debating and the hard work! give it all back to her! :) four years of saying the same protocol is way, way, way too much sedation.. i am wanting more of the exciting, challenging moments. if it gets any more boring, i'll personally take the hunch, go to my manager and give myself another chance.

sometimes

by jewel

Sometimes
I feel
my heart
fall
to vague depths
between
words there
are such
spaces that
I can't help
but feel
My Heart
fall
between
the pregnant pause
of all you will
not say
and all
I can
not ask

crossroads

i am marking this year as a crossroad.

inhibitions and fears shall be thrown out.

i shall inch my way towards a world beyond the dome of my limitations.

yep, it's about time! kaya ko 'to!

lest i become off-tangent again with my-so-called-dreams, i am surrounding myself with calendars and planners and deadlines to keep me dead-focused while cut-out pictures of rainbows, kites and hot-air balloons are posted on my bedroom wall to keep me feeling inspired.

i am painting colors to an otherwise plain life :)

happy new year!