its a good thing i decided to take maundy thursday and good friday off. while my colleagues are having their grandest time working on a holiday, well that's double pay, i was at home relaxing my tired body, and soul as i may say, hoping that id have a meaningful holy week. and i did. i think i actually did. apart from all the rituals my family do every holy week- visita iglesia, stations of the cross, masses, veneration of the cross,etc., i would like to think my spirit did what it should be doing these past months. sometimes, we get caught up with so much work, with friends, with having fun, and with family even. and we think we are "that" happy, until we're home. when im lying on my bed, recollecting what happened throughout the day, i just know that there is something missing. i miss GOD. and being involved in the church. i know i messed it all up with sis rio and sis ely. we had a great goal. im forever guilty. i want to get back again with the children. and i know in time i will.

*****

come black saturday, we we're supposed to go to club manila east for a swim. i was waking everybody up at 7 when the phone rang. it was daddy.

me: hello?
daddy: hello, gigi. sunduin nyo ako mamya ha. uwi ko 2:30. nasa malaysia na ko ngayon.
me: ah, ok..sandali si mami eto na!

the club manila east had to wait. my dad was coming home. it was always like that. " anak, nasa singapore/ thailand/malaysia na ko. sunduin nyo na ko mamya... my father says this sooo casually. as in. anyway the next thing we knew, we were all in duty free, shopping as a one big family.

and we just couldnt postpone the swimming anymore. easter sunday, after the mass and moms service in the parish, we headed straight to taytay. and that was 7 pm. the place was clean, the water was clear, everybody wore a swimsuit, there was one loud music all over. we let RV ride in this big salbibida. and she was splashing the water with her hands and shouting and clapping. she was so happy, it was contagious. we all had fun last night. arriving home at 10 pm, we were so relaxed from the swim that everyone slept right away. except for me though. blame it on the movie "The Pianist".

With A Variable Key
Paul Celan

With a varible key
you unlock the house which
drifts the snow of that left unspoken.
Always what key you choose
depends on the blood that spurts
from your eye or your mouth or your ear.
You vary the key, you vary the word
that is free to drift with the flakes
what snowball will form round the word
depends on the wind that rebuffs you.